Dammit Emmett! When will you learn!
by XxLoverSarahxX
Summary: Oh jeez! Emmett is at it again. Doing stuff to Bella. Involving Jasper in on it when Edward is away. When will they learn to stop leaving him with her? FUNNY. T for Lanuage. R&R!
1. Brownies

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Hey Bobert! Guess what!!!!**

**Bobert: What is it?**

**Me: I'm gunna own Twilight some day ;D**

**Bobert: Um yeah, no, I don't think so**

**Me: You suck eggs. BIG, HUGE, JUICY EGGS**

**Bobert: So do you**

**Me: Damn.**

**Bella's Point Of View:**

Edward was out hunting and left me alone with my favorite brother. Emmett. Jasper was here too but he was up in his room doing god knows what. Emmett skipped-and it looks very weird for a large man to be skipping-over to me, humming a song. I raised an eyebrow at him because he was humming the Llama Song. How sad.

"Bellaaaaaaa!" Emmett whined for the fifth time. This time, I couldn't take it anymore.

"WHAT IS IT, EMMETT!? SPIT IT OUT!"

"Hi!" He, then, waved and ran out of the room. I was almost growling but not as good or threatening as Edward or any of the Cullen's. Then he pranced back in with something in his hands. It was a basket full of brownies. "Have one, Bella!" he said because he caught me staring. They did look delicious but I was wary.

"Emmett," I said slowly, "why do you have brownies? You don't eat."

"I made them for you silly! Eat one!" Then he picked up a brownie and shoved it in my mouth. I chewed and the brownies tasted fantastic. Then I just kept grabbing more and more and more. Shoving them all into my mouth.

**Emmett's Point Of View:**

I watched Bella down the brownies. The drug induced, alcohol friendly, chocolate brownies. A grin spread upon my face. Shows my family that I know how to cook! Just because I hate the taste of human food doesn't mean I'm not talented!

After a little while, Bella's head started to wobble back and forth and she fell on the ground. "Emmy! WAHHHH! EMMY! I'm scared! The ground is attacking!" She started to panic, while still on the floor. I went over to her, stifling my laugh, and pick her up from the floor and put her on her feet. "Oh my gawshness! EMMY, YOU SAVEDED ME!" She walked away, galloping like a horse.

Jasper then came down the steps from the upstairs and looked at Bella in surprise. Then he suddenly realized what had happened. He raced over to me, vampire speed and yelled in my face. "What is wrong with you, Emmett? Have you no brain at all?" Then his straight face looked dazed for a minute and then a big, wide, creepy grin spread across his face. "BELLA! WAIT FOR ME! I WANT TO BE A HORSEY TOO!!!" He galloped after Bella who was galloping in circles in the room.

This was just too good. I was laughing really hard. After they were done playing "horsey" Bella got on Jasper's back and then hopped over. I couldn't believe my eyes. They were playing Leap Frog. I was pretty proud of myself, I have to say. Suddenly, Bella came up to me and poked my eye. It wasn't like it hurt or anything but it sure was surprising.

"Hehehehehe! Jasper, I poked Emmett's eye! Now he will be blinded forever and ever and ever." She laughed like an evil person. "Now to make the world blind! Come, Jaspbin! To the Bella Cave, so we can plan our evil plan!" Jasper scoped her up and put her on his back and ran into a large bathroom. I listened through the door.

"Now that Emmett's blind, we should poke the sun and blind it! Muwahahaha!" I could practically see Bella rubbing her hands in victory that she had not yet one. "OH MY GOD! LOOK JASPER! ITS WATER!!!" The sink was running and Bella was making a fuss over it. I was laughing so hard.

Bella and Jasper came out of the bathroom and then they ran straight into a wall. "Ahhhh!!!! The walls are attacking us! EVERY ALIVE AND UNDEAD PERSON FOR ITSELF!" Bella got off and both of them started running in circles and screaming. Then Jasper accidentally fell out the window. You could hear a scream all the way down, then a crash.

Jasper came back up and screamed to Bella, "Bella! The windows are moving to make us fall out of them!"

"Damn those windows and their moveyness!" The Bella screamed an ear-deafening scream.

Jasper looked panicked. "What is it!?!"

"IT IS AN OCTOPUS!!!!!!" She pointed to me and screamed again.

"Hey! I'm not an octopus," I stated with a humph! at the end. Jasper tackled me and started punching me.

"OH NO! The octopus talked! TALK MORE WORDS OCTOPUS!" She was shaking me by the collar in a second, yelling at me to talk more. Then she slapped me. "I said talk!"

"RAWR!" I yelled, annoyed. Bella gasped and ran and hid behind the couch. Jasper hid in the closet but fell out, tangled in coats. I saw a shoe handing by his ear. I laughed.

"Jasper! You can walk on your ears!? THAT'S FRIKIN' COOL!" Bella yelled, a smile planted on her face. "I can dance!" She started doing the robot and the Sprinkler and the Q-Tip. Yep, she was an amazing dancer alright! Just then, the door suddenly opened and in stepped my family. Shock was planted all over their faces. Alice was giggling a little bit at Bella's dancing.

"EMMETT!!!!" Edward yelled in fury. "What have you done to Bella!?"


	2. Truth Or Dare?

**Disclaimer:**

**Bobert: Whatcha doing?**

**Me: Thinking.**

**Bobert: What about?**

**Me: About Unicorns, like you, and about owning Twilight**

**Bobert: Too bad you don't and I know, I'm awesome to think about.**

Bella's Point Of View

Edward left to go hunting with his family. Again. Leaving me with Emmett and Jasper. Again. Edward said it wasn't anything to worry about because he had a good talk with Emmett and he shouldn't do anything. Reluctantly, I agreed and he left.

I was sitting on the couch, watching my favorite movie. The Princess Bride. Emmett pranced in and jumped on the couch. Which sent me flying onto the ground, by the way. I was mad instantly. I got up, sat back down in my spot, and pushed the un-expecting Emmett off of the couch. He glared up at me.

"Hey! What the fuck was that for?" he growled.

"For existing." I smirked at him and before I knew it, I was on the ground again. Emmett was holding me down and had me pinned. "Get the fuck off of me! OH MY GOD! I know what your doing!"

"Yeah? What's that?" He had an amused grin on his face.

"YOUR TRYING TO SEDUCE ME! PERVERT! JASPER! JASPER, GET OVER HERE NOW!" Jasper was on in an instant. He looked at me, then at Emmett and laughed at us for a moment. "Help me! What are you doing? Waiting around for a fucking invitation?" Jasper came over and got Emmett off easily. I glared at him and stalked into the kitchen. For two reasons. 1. Cause I was mad. And 2. Because I was hungry.

I raided the fridge and the pantry and I settled on some pop tarts. I was half way down with my first one before Emmett and Jasper strolled in with evil grins planted on their faces. I was suspicious immediately. It's never a good thing when someone has an evil grin. Especially with Emmett. Oh boy, what did they have in store? Jasper began.

"Bella, lets play a game."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What game?"

Jasper smiled. "Truth or dare." A grimace invaded my features. I hated truth or dare. It doesn't matter what you pick, you in trouble. The dare will cause you misery and the truth always makes me blush. Furiously. I didn't want to look like a coward in front of my brothers but I just wasn't sure of this.

I sighed. "Fine." Emmett clapped his hands happily and threw me over his shoulder and ran into the living room, throwing me down on the floor. Jasper sat down next to me and Emmett was to overjoyed to sit down. He was jumping up and down, shaking the house a tiny bit along with it.

"I go first!" Emmett announced. Oh boy…. "Bella, truth or dare?" What a surprised, he picked me.

"Dare," I said. I was nervous for whatever he had in store for me.

Emmett grinned harder. "I dare you to go over Newton's house and tell him that you love him secretly!" I disgusted look crossed my face and I gagged as Jasper laughed lightly about it. I shot them both deadly glares. I was on Emmett's back, running through the town, before I could object to the dare. Emmett and Jasper hid in separate trees after I was on solid ground. No cars were in the driveway so Mike's parents weren't home. I rang the doorbell and rocked back and forth on my heels waiting for an answer. Mike answered the door seconds later.

"Bella?" he asked in surprised. Happiness crossed his face. "Hi! What are you doing here? Come on in."

I shook my head. I grinned mentally. Mike would be easy to fool. He liked me already so this shouldn't be too hard. So I decided that I was going to play it up a little. For Emmett and Jasper's sake. I didn't want to ruin their fun ….or my own. I looked around, cautiously and leaned in towards Mike. He leaned in towards me with a questioning look. "I can't stay long. I shouldn't even be here, but I wanted to tell you, Mike, that I've loved you. I've loved you since the first day I met you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I'm telling you now. I love you! Oh golly, look at the time," I looked at my wrist, where no watch was in place, "I really should be going. Bye!" I walked/ran away from there as quick as possible. Mike was stunned but I saw the biggest grin take over his whole face. Emmett picked me up from behind and ran back to their house.

Once we were in, Jasper was congratulating me. "That was great, Bella! I didn't know you had it in you." Emmett gave me an excited grin and gave me a fist bump. I was starting to have fun.

"Okay," I started, knowing it was my turn, "Jasper, truth or dare?"

"Dare," he stated calmly.

I smiled. "I dare you to go down a street in Forks, start singing _I'm A Barbie Girl_ and start stripping, while sending lust waves to everyone. Including the guys. And make everyone fall in love with you." I smirked, evilly and Emmett howled in laughter and patted my head saying that it was good. Jasper looked unsure of this dare. I took that opportunity. "What? Are you too chicken to do it?" Both Emmett and I started making chicken sounds.

He glared at us and stood up. "Lets do it." We went to the street with the most people from school on it. Emmett stood me back on the ground and we watched Jasper with smiles on our faces. Jasper glared at me right before he started off.

Jasper's Point Of View:

How could Bella do this to me? I couldn't believe she was making me strip, sing that ridiculous song, and make everyone-and I mean everyone-fall in love with me. I shuddered at that thought. We arrived on the corner-that that fool Emmett picked that almost everybody in school lived on-and I was getting ready to go. I gave one look back at them, glaring at Bella. She was _so_ going to pay for this. I started singing the song, taking off at a slow human pace, down the road. "_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie worldLife in plastic, it's fantastic!you can brush my hair, undress me everywhereImagination, life is your creationCome on Barbie, let's go party!I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie worldLife in plastic, it's fantastic!you can brush my hair, undress me everywhereImagination, life is your creationI'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy worldDress me up, make it tight, I'm your dollyYou're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"(uu-oooh-u)I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie worldLife in plastic, it's fantastic!you can brush my hair, undress me everywhereImagination, life is your creationCome on Barbie, let's go party!(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(uu-oooh-u)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(uu-oooh-u)Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you pleaseI can act like a star, I can beg on my kneesCome jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,hit the town, fool around, let's go partyYou can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"Come on Barbie, let's go party!(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(uu-oooh-u)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(uu-oooh-u)I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie worldLife in plastic, it's fantastic!you can brush my hair, undress me everywhereImagination, life is your creationI'm a barbie girl, in the barbie worldLife in plastic, it's fantastic!you can brush my hair, undress me everywhereImagination, life is your creationCome on Barbie, let's go party!(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(uu-oooh-u)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)Come on Barbie, let's go party!(uu-oooh-u)Oh, I'm having so much fun!Well Barbie, we're just getting startedOh, I love you Ken!" _In the middle of the song, I took off my shirt. Sending out the first set of lust to everyone on the street. People started opening their doors and some started to run towards me, which made me run a little faster. I took off my pants really close to the end, showing my black silk boxers. Once I was done, I came back around to Emmett and Bella.

They were in hysterics and some girls-and boys-were coming after me a little more. I stopped sending lust and sent boredom to them, sending them all home. Emmett and Bella stopped laughing, then looked at each other, and busted out laughing again. I snarled and we all headed back. Emmett and Bella laughing all the way.

"That….was…..awesome…." Bella said between giggles. Emmett gave her a high-five and I just rolled my eyes. I ran quickly up to my room and changed into good clothes and sat down next to Bella.

I looked at Emmett. "Truth or dare?"


	3. Emmett's Dare

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: LALALAL TWILIGHT WORLD!**

**Bobert: Isn't it suppose to be Elmo's World? **

**Me: Nope! Its Twilight world! Because I own it!**

**Edward: No, you don't.**

**Me: Damn you, Edward, and your big awesomeness.**

Emmett's Point Of View:

Its so obvious I would pick dare. I love dares and that's why this is my game. "DARE!" I yelled, making Bella jump out of her skin in the process. Jasper smiled, and I could tell he sent waves of calm towards her.

"I dare you to make a prank phone call a random number." Talk about simple. I was looking forward to something better but I still love to make prank calls. I grinned and snatched out my phone and dialed a number. After putting it on speaker, a woman answered.

"**Hello?"**

"Hi, can I speak to Brandon?"

"**Brandon isn't here….Brandon."**

"Brandon isn't there?"

"**Where are you Brandon?" **I had to stifle my laugh. She thought I was Brandon!

"Your going to yell at me! I can't tell you!"

"**I won't yell at you."** The was a pause. **"I promise."**

"Okay…. I got high…. And drunk."

"**You got what!?!"**

"I shouldn't have told you!"

"**Where are you Brandon?"**

"By the highway."

"**Who are you with? Jackie?"**

"Terry. Can you come pick me up?"

"**Yes. Where by the highway?"**

"I don't know really."

"**Are you by Wal-Mart."**

"I don't know but my clothes are gone and my head is shaved! I don't know what happened!"

"**What!? BRANDON!"**

"I'm so sorry, mommy."

"**Brandon? Brandon?"** She called my name for twenty seconds in a row.** "Where are you, Brandon!?"**

"Hello? Oh, this isn't Brandon. This is Jack. Brandon took off running. I'm looking for him right now."

"**Brandon. Seriously. Where are you?"**

"This is Jack! I was going to call the house to ask Brandon if he wanted to hang out!"

"**Brandon. Stop it. Where are you?"**

"**This is Jack! Gr, if you see him, tell him to give me a call. Okay, thank you!" And with that, I hung up. Bella just cracked up laughing, and Jasper followed right after her. We were all laughing so hard. Then it was my turn.**


	4. Caption Awesome

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Edward!**

**Edward: What?**

**Me: Edward!**

**Edward: What?**

**Me: HI!!!!!!!! -runs away and laughs evilly**

**Edward: -mutters- You still don't own Twilight**

**Bella's Point Of View:**

Okay, Emmett's crank phone call was absolutely hilarious by all means. In some way, I do feel sorry for the woman and I wondered what happened when Brandon gets home but it was just hilarious. I was cracking up laughing with Jasper and Emmett for a good five minutes until we all settled down. It was Emmett's turn next.

"Jasper, truth or dare?" Emmett asked. I was silently thanking the gods he didn't choose me. A disappointed look crossed Jasper's face but it brightened up at a thought in his mind.

"Dare of course, my dear brother." Jasper had his fingers crossed and he looked very graceful. Stupid, graceful, awesome, sparkly, flammable vampire! Emmett, you guessed it, grinned like a manic.

"I dare you to corrupt Wal-Mart."

"That's a large word, Emmett, congrats!" I exclaimed happily, making fun of him.

He got excited. "I know right? I was studying the dictionary yesterday and that word was in there it has a cool sound to it. Corrupt! Corrupt! Corrupt." He kept on saying the word over and over again then he realized. "Oh sorry." He smiled. "Lets go." Emmett throw me on his back and we all ran to Wal-Mart. Once we got in there Jasper looked around for things to do.

He saw woman's bras and walked over to them. He picked one up that had rainbows and unicorns on it and strapped it around his waist and put the straps on his shoulders. He looked ridiculous. Then he put on some underwear that matched the bra on top of his pants. He found a blanket and tied it over his shoulders. There was an old woman watching him. Jasper jumped on top a low platform.

"I'm am Captain Awesome! And I'm here to save the world. Dun-dun-dun-dumdum!" The he jumped off and started to pretend to fly. After he was done-still wearing the underwear and bra-he went over to a rack that had toilet paper in it. He opened the bag and took out two things of toilet paper. Then he threw the paper all around the store, making it covered in toilet paper. Right before an employee came, he ran away to another section of the store.

He grabbed a portable basket and went over to the condom and pregnancy area was. He started filling the basket with both of them. There was flavored condoms-oh wow-condoms for extra pleasure and everything like that. Then the pregnancy tests were stuff like _First Response_ and stuff. Then when a woman walked by, Jasper picked up a pregnancy test and yelled, "God! I hope I'm not pregnant. Jeez, what will my father think of me? Oh no! If I am pregnant, what if my baby is an alien! AHHHHH!" The woman left with a weird look on her face.

Next he hid in a clothes rack in the men's department. An obese man walked by him and Jasper said in a mysterious tone, "And the fat man walks alone again. Hey guys! When do you think he'll get a girlfriend?" In another tone that sounded nothing like the first one, he said, "Haha, NEVER!" The man quickly walked away.

Jasper strolled over to an empty checkout isle where you can "do it yourself" and he looked around. He itched his head and then he went up to a woman who looked about in the mid of her thirties. "Excuse me, miss? Can you help me out over here?" She nodded and followed Jasper to the checkout stand. He ran his arm across the scanner and nothing happened. "See? My item isn't appearing on the screen! Let me try you!" He took her arm wiped it across the scanner about a hundred times before giving up. "Fuck. Fine! You win this round you stupid machine!" He kicked the scanner and ran off like a little sissy.

He went around the store, sort of crouch and looked frantic. "The clowns are **not** going to eat me. The clowns are **not** going to eat me. Fuck, who am I kidding?" He started to yell. "The clowns are going to eat us. RUN FOR YOU LIVES!"

He then went to the Gun and Hunting section of the store. He approached the counter and leaned against it, with a grim look. "Can I buy a gun? The stupid fucking smiley face is getting on my fucking nerves." The clerk looked at him with alarm and shook his head. "Damn," Jasper muttered and stalked away.

Jasper walked into a lamp part and picked one up that wasn't in a box. He pretended to look at it and then threw it up in the air. It crashed on the floor and crushed into a million pieces. Jasper ran around frantic again. "AHHHH! It's a meteor shower! Run!!!!!"

Slowly, and ever so quietly just like the ghost he is, he went up to a person who had their back turned and he grabbed their cart and ran like hell. Then, quickly, he wrote a note that said: We've got your precious cart, and now we're coming for you. Signed, the Aliens. He laughed evilly and ran away after he placed it on the ground where the cart use to be.

He got a shopping cart full of electronics and went through a checkout-but without paying-but an employee from behind the register stepped out from it and looked at Jasper. "Sir, you didn't pay for these items. Are you trying to steal them?" he asked.

Jasper got an anxious look of his face and kicked the cashier in the balls and ran out of the store, yelling. "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE, SUCKERS!" Emmett and I were on the floor, laughing so hard from all of this. Emmett and I walked outside then we ran home to a smiling Jasper who looked proud.

"Nice job, bro," Emmett said with a grin, trying to hold back his laughter again.

"Yeah, really!" I said, giggling.

"Okay, Bella. Truth or dare?"

"Dare." I smiled

"I dare you, my sweet and innocent sister, to go to a bar and get drunk. And when you are drunk, go around saying people are sexy and you'd like to 'hit that' any day. But you have to wear tight leather." Jasper grinned. I resisted the urge to hit him because if I did, I would be the one who got hurt in the process.

"Fine." I got up and right before I was about to go upstairs to change, Alice came in through the front door. "What are you doing here?" I asked in surprised.

"You didn't think I was going to let you get changed without my expertise, did you?" Stupid, future-seeing vampire. "Now come on, and don't worry, Emmett, Jasper, I won't tell Edward." Alice grabbed my hand and dragged me-literally dragged me-up to her room and into her large, spaced out closest. She picked a short, short skirt that was leather and a tank top that was leather as well. All was black. Then she gave me some black leather boots that looked like stripper boots that went up to my knees.

After getting dressed, unwillingly, I looked in the mirror. I was horrified. The skirt was too short and it felt drafty cause it barely covered my ass. The tank top showed a lot of cleavage. I looked like a prostitute. "WHAT. THE. FUCK. ALICE!" I screamed in her face. She rolled her eyes.

"You look fantastic. And don't be such a sour puss. Its for a dare, remember? If you back out now, Emmett and Jasper will tease you about this for the rest of your life. You wouldn't want that, would you?" I sighed. She was right and since I was dressed, I mine as well do it. Alice did my hair as well. She curled it and made it look pretty. The only part of me that looked pretty. And I found it very, very hard to walk.

It took me about twenty minutes to get down the stairs. Emmett and Jasper smirked at the view. "Alright. Come on, Bella!" Emmett threw me over his shoulder and my ass felt draftier.

"Fuck no. You can see my ass. Either you figure out a way to do this that doesn't show any of my shit, then I won't go."

Alice laughed. "Just take the car guys. And, oh, I better get back. I'll see how it all goes!" With that, she left at a fast speed. I rolled my eyes and Emmett set me down.

"Fine, we'll take the car but we drive at _our_ speed." I reluctantly agreed. It was better then having both of those guys see what's up my insanely short skirt. After we parked, Emmett opened my door for me and I had trouble getting out of the large truck. Emmett rolled his eyes and picked me up by my sides and set me down nicely. "Okay, go pick a table and we'll get the drinks." I picked the table in the back and both of them came back with shots, large cups, and everything of that sort with beer in them.

I closed my eyes as I chugged down the alcohol. It didn't taste very appealing and I didn't get why people liked this kind of stuff. After two large cups and eleven shots of beer, I was completely wasted. I got up from the table and I couldn't remember a thing after that.

**Emmett's Point Of View:**

My god, Bella was drunk. And it may have been the funniest sight I've ever did see. She got up from the table, wobbling this way and that way, and stumbled over to a table of guys. She put her hands on her hips and did a pose that would have looked sexy for anyone. Rosalie should dress in that sometime soon….

"Yous be looking' sessi, I would soooooooo hit dat any"-burp- "day!"

A guy stood up. "I would like to hit that," he said with a wink at Bella.

"Baby, yous gots it made! I meaner, you be looking sexually sexy in clothes!" She looked like she was going to pass out. Both Jasper and I were down on the ground, laughing our asses off. I would have been crying from how hard I was laughing. The next thing we heard was Bella yelling. "AHH! The hot dude is taking me away! AHHH! Caption Awesome!!!!!! HELP ME!!!" The man was dragging Bella by the arm out of the bar. I got up and walked over to the man. I towered over him easily.

"She's my sister. Let her go."

Bella pointed and yelled a me. "YOUR NOT CAPTION AWESOME!!!!" I rolled my eyes and Jasper put a hand on Bella's shoulder. "OMG!" Yes, she really said omg. "Hi, Caption Awesome!! I love you!!!" The man who had Bella let her go and walked away, a little mad because he didn't get laid.

"Okay, it's time to go home," Jasper said, picking her up and putting her over his shoulder and set her in the car and we drove home, very fast. Jasper set Bella down on the couch and she fell asleep very fast. Looks like we would have to finish the game after she wakes up. Stupid humans and their sleepyness. I looked at Jasper and raised an eyebrow, eyeing Bella. She would be pissed when she wakes up but I didn't care.

I went up to my room and got a Sharpie. I opened the lid and I drew a pretty stick figure on her cheek and wrote on her forehead. **_"I'm an Idiot, hear me roarrrrr!"_** YEP. She will be pissed alright. I smirked and sat down on the floor and turned on the television while Jasper just rolled his eyes and went up to his room.


	5. The Lair

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I wish Jasper is here.**

**-Jasper appears out of no where-**

**Jasper: What the fuck? Where am I?**

**Me: You're here with me! Your so lucky.**

**Jasper: Yeah, I guess you could say that but you still don't own Twilight**

**Me: Damn.**

Bella's Point Of View:

I awoke with a huge headache that felt like I was hit by a bus. I groaned as I picked myself off of the couch and walked into the bathroom. I ran some cold water, hoping for relieve. I splashed some on my face and looked in the mirror.

"EMMETT!!! YOUR FUCKING DEAD!" I yelled as I ran out of the bathroom and into the living room where he was watching Dora The Explorer. I picked up a baseball bat from a closest-that was metal-and came at him. "HOW DARE YOU!" He got up and started to run around the room, with me chasing closely after him. I smack him on the head and in groin a few good times before I was finished and happy.

I sat back down on the couch when Jasper walked down the stairs. He looked at Emmett who looked like he was in pain and the bat in my hand. "Nice," he said with a smile and sat down on the floor in front of me. "So are we going to finish our game or not?"

"Yeah, no. I'm not playing anymore. You such a bastard for making me get drunk, Jasper. You suck." I huffed and turned the television to Spongebob. He rocks!

"Oh come on, Bella," Emmett whined like a two year old. "Please? Pretty please?"

I groaned. "FINE!"I yelled at the top of my lungs. "It's my turn. Emmett, truth or dare?" I knew it was him to write all over my face and he would _so_ pay for it.

"DARE!" he yelled in my face. I grimaced.

"I dare you to go moon a police officer," I smirked and Emmett grinned.

"That sounds fabulous!" With that, Emmett throw me over his shoulder after I changed out of the stupid leather clothes and we ran to a street where we could see a police car. Thankfully, it wasn't Charlie. I gave him a nod and Emmett walked over to the police car. "Yo, Copper! Look over here!" The headlights turned on and flashed right on Emmett. Emmett turned around and revealed his smooth, white, fat ass to the police officer. The police officer was immediately infuriated and stepped out of the car. Emmett couldn't run because then the police officer would follow him.

The copper made Emmett turn around and handcuffed him and pushed him into the backseat. I heard him yell, "AND I THOUGHT YOU WOULD ENJOY MY SHINY ASS! I PERSONALLY THINK ITS PURDY!" Jasper and I laughed hard and gave each other high fives as the car pulled away.

"Do you think we should bail him?" I manage to ask while laughing.

"Yeah, lets go." Jasper grinned and I hopped on his back as we went back to his house to get some money for bail. It was a very, very large wad of cash. He obviously was going to bribe someone if necessary. We drove in a cherry red convertible, listening to Hot And Cold by Katy Perry the whole way there. Blasting it at full volume. Once we got there, we entered the building and Jasper approached an old man behind a desk. "We would like to bail Emmett Cullen, please." He slipped him the large wad of cash and the man smiled and nodded.

He led us down the way and we heard screaming and yelling. It came from Emmett. "LET ME GO! My father is a doctor and my dad can bet your dad's ass any day! I swear it! So you wanna tussle? I'll tussle! Hey! WHAT ARE _YOU STARING AT, MR. FLY? I'll show you not to stare!" I saw him hit at a fly but it moved to quickly so Emmett was running all around the cell trying to squash the fly. He finally got it. "EAT YOUR OWN SQUISHYNESS MR. FLY! MUWUAHAHA!" He started doing the Running Man and it looked hilarious. _

"_Emmett Cullen, you made bail."_

"_YES! HAHA, IN YOUR FACE!" He pointed at an old, old man in the corner. He was rubbing his nose in the "good news." Emmett did the Moonwalk to the cellar door once it was opened. Then he fell to the ground, kissing it, then he started doing the worm. "OH YEAH! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! WOOT! WHO'S THE MAN!? THAT'S RIGHT, I'M THE MAN! UH-HUH-UH-HUH, YEAHHHH!" He was making a fool out of himself but it was the single greatest thing I think I ever did see. Next to flying pigs and Edward of course._

"_Come on, Emmett! Stop dancing and lets go," Jasper said and crossed his arms. Emmett got up and ran for the door and went outside. I rolled my eyes and ran to the car. Emmett was swaying to the beat of Get Low and singing along with it. Jasper came out and followed us and drove us home. Emmett seemed happy to get out….I wonder if he was._

"_Bella, guess what!" Emmett grinned once we got inside and I was safely on the couch._

"_Yes, Emmy?" I smirked and he just rolled his eyes at that name._

"_Let's go on an adventure!" He clapped his hands happily. In a strange way, he looked just like Alice. A larger and scarier version of Alice. _

"_And what adventure would that be?" I raised an eyebrow at him._

"_Well, I have this secret lair in my room that nobody knows about and there is fabulous things to do in there." He rubbed his hands and grabbed my arm and pulled me up to his room. He pulled down a CD and suddenly, the bed lifted straight up into a vertical angle and it revealed a stairway going down. My eyes went open in surprise. "Isn't it amazing? Come on, lets go!" He dragged me down the stairs and at the bottom just made me laugh._

_There were large slides, a large swimming pool, a merry-go-round type thing, a ball pit, a large computer who's screen reaches from the bottom of the floor to the top of the ceiling. It looked like it was a computer of an evil genius. "What are you, seven?" I asked ridiculously._

"_You know, people ask me that a lot…." he trailed off and then grabbed me, and threw me into the swimming pool. I swam up to the top of the water just to get splashed in the face with water from Emmett's cannonball. "WOO!" he yelled with his arms in the air. I just rolled my eyes then I saw something awesome._

_It was a life like statue of Elmo. I almost screamed. "ELMO! OH, MY GOD! IT'S ELMO! LOOK, EMMETT, IT'S ELMO!" I squeezed and got out of the pool and ran to Elmo. It was awesome. Emmett came over to me and dragged me to the large screened computer._

"_And for our adventure. We're going to take over the world!" He started to laugh evilly and I just gave him a look that said you-are-dumber-then-egg-shells. Wow, I have no idea where egg shells came into the picture…._

"_Fine," he muttered. "We'll just play solitaire." He grumbled something but then a look crossed over his face. "LET'S PLAY CANDYLAND, BELLY!" Belly? What the fuck? And Candy land? There was something seriously wrong with this boy. He sat me down in a chair. I was just about to move and runaway but he strapped my arms down to the arms of the chair and my feet to the legs of the chair. My eyes went wide._

"_HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!? UNSTRAP ME NOW!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. _

"_Not until we play my game!" he yelled back, louder then me._

_I spat at his face. "Fine! But how do you expect me to move my piece?"_

"_I'll do everything for you." Then he started playing Candy Land….by himself. I just sat there, watching him giggle like a manic. I swear, he must be a seven year old trapped in a man's body. Once he was done playing, he got up and jumped into the ball pit, leaving me strapped to the chair._

"_Hey! I'm still over here! Strapped to this god damn chair!" He snickered and let me loose. I rubbed my wrists and stomped on his foot and ran away. Emmett tackled me and it hurt really bad. He tackled me straight into a wall. "Ouch!" I screamed. He got up and "dusted" himself off._

"_Don't be such a wuss, Bella."_

"_I'm not as durable as a stupid, idiotic, scatterbrained, sparkly, flammable vampire like you! Maybe I should…." An evil look went across my face and I pulled out a lighter that I had in my back pocket. Emmett's eyes went wider then saucers. A flame sparkled and I held it out to him. "Don't make me do it, Emmett!" I threatened. "Now, I'm going back upstairs." I walked backwards, up the stairs to his room, and ran down stairs while putting the lighter in my pocket again._

_Jasper chuckled, obviously knowing what happened. "Are you hungry, Bella?" he asked me and I simply nodded. Then he disappeared into the kitchen. Next thing I knew, I smelled something burning. I followed the scent and went into the kitchen. The microwave was on fire and Jasper looked afraid with wide eyes._

"_What did you do? What happened?" I asked, looking for something to put the fire out._

"_Well, you see, I put a marshmallow in the microwave to, you know, heat it up. But it grew bigger and exploded." I groaned and threw water on the fire. It sizzled and went down._

"_You're an idiot," I mumbled and walked back into the living room with an apple._


	6. The Bookstore

**Disclaimer:**

**Alice: What are you doing? -suspicious-**

**Me: Making a secret plan to take over Twilight.**

**Alice: I don't see it in your future.**

**Me: IT WILL BE! YOUR FUTURE SEEING ABILITY SUCKS.**

**Alice: Just admit it, you'll never own Twilight.**

**Me: -pouts- I don't like you, Alice. You lick Toilet : GASP!**

Bella's Point Of View:

I woke up, still tired from the long, long, horrible weekend, and it was time for school. Edward kissed the top of my head and left out my window. I drove to school in my cab and parked it, cutting off the engine. Alice was there in a second, her mouth running at full speed. I wasn't paying attention but one thing caught my attention.

"Wait, what did you say? What's Emmett going to do?" I heard something about Emmett doing something but I couldn't understand what.

Alice smiled. "You'll just have to wait and see." I took my seat next to Edward. He smiled at me and I smiled back. Class began and the teacher started talking but was interrupted when a loud voice came down the hallway. Edward was grinning.

Emmett was screaming, loudly, "THE ALIEN'S ARE COMING, THE ALIENS ARE COMING!"

"Mr. Cullen!" I heard the principal yell. "Put that fire out this instant!" The classroom door was open and I could see through the crack what was happening. Emmett was running in circles with his hair on fire. That really wasn't a good sign.

Emmett kept screaming and running in circles. "THE ALIENS ARE TRYING TO EAT MY BRAINS! AHHH!" Emmett then stopped, dropped, and rolled all over the floor, which, thankfully, put out the fire. He breathed heavily like it took a lot out of him. "That was close! I could have died!" He wiped over pretend sweat from his forehead. "Woo."

"Mr. Cullen, for making a loud, unnecessary scene, you have detention. Go back to class now," the principal instructed. Emmett stalked off and Edward resisted the urge to laugh. As did I.

During lunch was interesting too. I was halfway through with my pizza when Emmett had an "announcement" to make. He stood up on the table top and stood with his hands on his hips. That didn't look very good. "My fellow students, can I have your attention?" The chattering stopped and they all looked at Emmett. He smiled once all attention was on him. "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! WOOT!" He punched the air with a grin and sat back down. I looked at him then at Rosalie.

"I have no idea why you love this child," I told her with a shake of my head.

She laughed for a second. "I could ask you the same thing, Bella, why you love Edward."

I smirked, "Touché."

Emmett put his arm around my shoulder. "Come now, Belly Boo, you know you love me! I'm just amazingly awesome! Don't lie."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Emmett, I do love you, but I hate to break it to you, my brother, you aren't amazingly awesome." I grinned evilly and Jasper gave me a high-five. Emmett frowned and lowered his head like he was depressed. I groaned and nudged his arm with my elbow. "Okay, you are awesome but not amazingly awesome. Okay?"

He perked right up and grinned again. "That works!"

Alice looked at me, "Bella! Do you want to go---"

"No."

"I didn't even ask you!" she protested.

"I don't care. I'm not going shopping with you, Alice."

"Oh please? Why not?" She had a look on her face that she was about to cry, if possible.

"Because I don't like shopping. Haven't we settled that already? And knowing you, you will drag me into every single store that I _don't_ want to go into. The only store I would like to go into is a book store." Alice rested her head against her hand.

"I thought you loved me…" I couldn't believe she was playing the guilt trip!

"I do, Alice, but….shopping….we don't get along."

"Please, Bella?" She gave me puppy dog eyes.

"Whatever. I guess I'll go." A grim look crossed my face when Alice smiled.

"I want to go to!" Emmett yelled. I looked at him in alarm. Since when did he want to go shopping with Alice? Since never!

Alice seemed overjoyed by that. "OKAY! LETS GO!" She tried to tow me out of the cafeteria.

"ALICE! We're in school!" She didn't care, she towed and threw me into her car with Emmett in back and zoomed down the highway. "I can't believe I'm ditching school. You know, this is my first time in high school, unlike you."

Once we went into all the stores Alice wanted to go into, I finally was able to go into my book store. I was looking at a copy of Romeo And Juliet when I heard Emmett yelling again.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DON'T HAVE _'IF YOU GAVE A MOUSE A COOKIE'_! YOU'RE A FRIKIN BOOKSTORE! YOUR SUPPOSE TO HAVE IT!" He was yelling in the face of some dorky looking kid with a lot of acne.

"I'm sorry, sir," he apologized.

"I CAN'T READ APPOLIGIES! I WANT THAT GOD FORSAKEN BOOK, MAN!" Emmett grabbed a hold of the collar of the kids shirt. He was shaking him back and forth. "TELL ME YOU HAVE _'GREEN EGGS AND HAM'_!"

"I don't think so," the boy whispered. "We don't carry those kinds of books. This is an adult book store."

"DOES THAT MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE _'ONE FISH, TWO FISH, RED FISH, BLUE FISH'!?!"_

"_Yes, we don't have that either."_

"_THIS BOOK STORE SUCKS!" he yelled, kicked the desk of the cashier, and stormed out of the store. I was chuckling and followed Emmett outside. Alice had the car full of bags and drove us home, with a satisfied look planted on her face._

_I stumbled inside of the Cullen house with my arms filled with bags of Alice. I fell to the floor from so much weight. Alice picked the bags up with ease. "Thanks, Bella." She smiled as she went up to her room. I went into the living room where Edward was and he kissed my cheek._

"_Welcome back, love," he smiled my crooked smile but then he frowned. "But I have bad news." My eyes went wide with alarm. "I'm going hunting again next weekend." AGAIN!? I frowned. "I'm sorry." Then he kissed me again, but on the lips, and made me forget everything._


	7. Phone Cranks

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I like Twilight**

**Bobert: I know**

**Me: I own Twilight**

**Bobert: You don't.**

**Me: Damn**

Bella's Point Of View:

Nothing interesting came the rest of the week. It was the weekend and I dreaded that Edward was going. Emmett was going with them and Alice was staying with me this time. She said that we weren't going to go shopping and I was happy for that. I was sitting on the couch and Alice bounced in.

"Hey, Bella!" She sat right next to me. "I'm bored, lets do something."

"Like?"

"Lets do some prank calls!" That didn't sound too bad. I nodded and asked who first. "Lets call Emmett first! You talk!" I thought of an idea. An a good idea came to mind and I decided to go with it. Alice's eyes glazed over then came back. She nodded happily and let me continue on.

The phone rang two times then Emmett answered. **"Hello?"**

"Hello, I'm Katherine. I'm from the local Catholic Church." Alice then started to her part. In a good voice, she started singing Halleluiah course in the background. "I was wondering if you would like to buy a bible. They are very good prices."

"**Um, no thank you, sister."**

Alice pretended to be different people in the background, screaming and yelling at each other. I pretended to be furious. "Damn, shut the hell up! I'm trying to sell bibles over here!" I turned back to the phone. "Anyways, yes, bibles. Would you like one?" The line went dead. Alice and I laughed. "I want to call Pizza Hut." I typed in the number.

"**Pizza Hut, how may I help you?"**

"Hi, I would like two large pizza's with sliced oranges on top."

"**We don't have oranges here."**

"You don't have oranges!? In my country they did!!"

"**Where are you from?"**

"Australia."

"**Well, we don't have oranges here."**

"What kind of business are you without any oranges!?" I screamed into the phone and hung up. Alice laughed hysterically. Next, I decided to call Jasper. I practiced a fake British accent and called him.

"**Hello?"**

"Hi, I'm Elizabeth from Victoria's Secret. I'm calling to confirm your order of extra large panties and a size DD bra. Is that correct, sir?"

"**Stop the fake British accent and tell me who the hell this is!"** Jasper yelled.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't know what your talking about. Is your order right or wrong?"

"**TELL ME WHO THIS IS!"**

"This is Elizabeth!"

"**FINE! DON'T TELL ME! BUT I WILL FIND OUT, MARK MY WORDS!" **Then he hung up. That made me laugh even harder. Alice was going to do this one. She was going to prank call Edward.

"**Hello, this is Edward Cullen."**

"Hi, I'm Betty from the Jewish Sex Hotline."

"**Excuse me?"**

"Are you feeling horny?"

"**I think you have the wrong number, Betty."**

"I don't think so, Mr. Cullen. So are you feeling horny?"

"**No, I am not, Ma'am."**

"Would you like to?" Alice asked all flirty. I could seriously picture Edwards face.

"**I…uh…have to go, miss. Bye."**

"No!" The line went dead and I was laughing so hard.

"You so evil, Alice," I told her, between giggles.

She rolled her eyes and grinned. "Like you aren't? Oh! LET'S CALL STARBUCKS! I HAVE A GOOD ONE!" Alice quickly dialed the number, obviously excited.

"**Starbucks Coffee. Can I help you?"** It sounded like a teenage boy.

"Hi, I have a question."

"**Okay, what is your question, madam?"**

"I heard that coffee is very good for your sex life, is that true?"

I heard his get nervous and I had to cover my mouth from laughing. **"I, uh, wouldn't know. I cannot help you there."**

"Well, coffee is suppose to make you hyper and sex is, like, you know, gets you 'excited.' So do you think it would be good for you sex life or not?" Where does she come up with this stuff!?

"**I don't know, ma'am…. Um, can I help you with anything else?"**

"Yes, I have another question."

"**Go ahead."**

"If I come in and have some coffee with my lover and we start to have sex on the table tops in the store, would we be band from the store? Because I was thinking about doing it sometime. I mean, we would spend a great amount in coffee so you guys will benefit from it but if I did start screwing my lover, could I come back to the store or would I be band?"

"**Uh… I am pretty sure you would **_**be**_** band from Starbucks, ma'am. If there is nothing else, then goodbye."**

"Your not a good worker, sir. Goodbye." And she hung up. I grinned at Alice and cracked up. Then I couldn't help but think of Edward….rawr…. ;D


	8. He's Annoying

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: You know I love you, right, Santa?**

**Santa: -raises an eyebrow- Yes…**

**Me: And I know what I want for Christmas.**

**Santa: What is that?**

**Me: Twilight.**

**Santa: No.**

**Me: I don't like you.**

Bella's Point Of View:

"I like chicken wings," Emmett busted out saying in the middle of class, loud enough for everyone to hear him. I gave him a questioning look. "And I like pens. They are so pretty. OH! And some are just so sparkly, I just feel happy whenever I think about them." He sighed happily while thinking about pens. How odd… Everyone looked at Emmett at the same time. I think he is insane…personally. "TEACHER!" Emmett called and waved his hand in the air, crazily.

"Yes, Emmett?" the teacher asked.

"I would just like to say you're the bestest and awesome teacher in the flipping world and that I love you!" The teacher-who was male-rolled his eyes.

"Get back to work, Mr. Cullen." Five minutes before class ended, Mike came up to me, wriggling his eyebrow.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you last week, Bella." A smirk was playing on his lips. "But I was thinking, maybe we can catch a flick sometime." Then he winked. Emmett-who was sitting right next to me-howled in laughter. "What's so funny?" He shot him a murderous glare but it wasn't anything like the Cullen's.

"You've got to be kidding me, Newton. Bella would never go out with you." Emmett smirked and Mike just glared.

"Let's leave it up to her, shall we?" Mike challenged. Emmett already knew what I was going to pick so it wasn't anything that was going to surprise him. "So, Bella, how about it?"

"Yeah, uh, no, Mike. I'm sorry. We just aren't compatible. Now, shoo fly little boy." I waved my hand off to make him leave. He grunted and left, but not looking the lest bit discouraged. I knew he was going to be trouble.

At lunch, just before I sat down, Mike came up next to me and put his hand on my butt. I looked at him in alarm. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" I yelled.

"What do you mean, baby?" Edward then came strolling in but his face was furious.

"WHY IS YOUR HAND ON MY GIRLFRIEND'S BUTT!?!?" Edward was beside him in the a second. He grabbed his hand from my butt and held it firmly. Weakly, for a vampire. Mike looked pained. "Don't you ever. EVER. Lay a hand on my Bella. AGAIN!" Edward threw him back a little bit and Mike stampeded off.

Emmett jumped on the table and started doing the robot. "Get down there!" I sneered but realized I missed a couple words.

"Oh? Get down where, Bella?" An evil grinned played across his face.

"I mean, get down from there! Gr! You know what I meant!" I yelled, annoyed. I am only human! Stupid, sparkly vampires and their good "speeching" skills! He sat down, laughing.

Emmett's Point Of View:

Today's task:

Annoy the crap out of Bella.

And that task would be done easily with my expertise. After lunch, Bella was walking with me to our class. Edward had a different class this hour so I switched. We were late getting to class. When the bell rang, Bella got annoyed.

"Emmett! Your making us late!" She started to sprint towards class right before I grabbed her wrist.

"Chill." She groaned and I let go and she walked at my pace. Then I started banging my chest and howling. "I AM KING KONG!!!! ROAR!!!!!" Then I tore off my shirt and started banging my hard chest like King Kong. Bella's face turned red as everyone peeked out of their classroom and looked at us both.

"Emmett!" she hissed and that only made me go louder. But then for a little ways away, I heard the principal running to come to us. I grabbed Bella's wrist and pulled her to our classroom and put my shirt on right before we enter. We sat down after the teacher made a crude remark about us being late. Bella leaned over, obviously pissed about my earlier performance. "What the hell was that?" she whispered/yelled.

"Oh, did I embarrass you, sister?" I grinned.

"Do it again and I'll get the bat again." My grin turned to a frown.

During class a random song busted in my head. The teacher left the room to make copies of paper that she needed. "_Here's a llama  
__There's a llama  
And another little llama  
Fuzzy llama  
Funny llama  
Llama llama  
Duck  
Llama llama  
Cheesecake  
Llama  
Tablet  
Brick  
Potato  
Llama  
Llama llama  
Mushroom  
Llama  
Llama llama  
Duck  
I was once a treehouse  
I lived in a cake  
But I never saw the way  
The orange slayed the rake  
I was only three years dead  
But it told a tale  
And now listen, little child  
To the safety rail  
Did you ever see a llama  
Kiss a llama  
On the llama  
Llama's llama  
Tastes of llama  
Llama llama  
Duck  
Half a llama  
Twice the llama  
not a llama  
Farmer  
Llama  
Llama in a car  
Alarm a llama  
Llama  
Duck  
Is THIS how it's told now?  
Is it all so old?  
Is it made of lemon juice?  
Doorknob  
Ankle  
Cold  
Now my song is getting thin  
I've run out of luck  
Time for me to retire now  
And become a duck_"

Bella tried not to look annoyed, but she failed. Everybody in our class was whispering and murmuring or looking at me, dumbfounded. "WHAT!? IT'S A GOOD SONG!" I protested against everyone. I crossed my arms and pretended to pout. Bella rolled her eyes. "Fine! HOW ABOUT THIS SONG!?" I smiled at what song I wanted to sing. "_Didleidleidleing!  
Woopey doopey doo!  
Woopey doopey doo!  
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, banana phone!  
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, banana phone!  
I've got this feeling, so appealing, for us to get together and sing. SING!_"

"STOP!" Bella interpreted me before I got to sing the whole song. I frowned deeply. "WILL YOU SHUT UP WITH YOUR SINGING!?" She looked mad. I flinched. In a strange way….she reminded me of Rosalie. Weird.

I sniffled. "You….don't….like….my…singing?" I asked, hurt. I put my head on the table and pretended to cry. Everyone else was fooled, expect Bella, because she is a smarty pants and knows I can't cry. Damn her.

"I do but if your going to sing, sing a song that's worth my time!"

I nodded and thought of a song. "_You were everything, everything  
That I wanted,(that I wanted)  
We were meant to be, supposed to be  
But we lost it (we lost it)  
All of the memories so close to me  
Just fade away  
All this time you were pretending  
So much for my happy ending  
ohh, ohh,  
So much for my happy end-_"

"You've got to be kidding me…" Bella muttered. My evil plan was working. I laughed evilly inside of my head. The teacher walked back in and Bella's face turned happy. I started humming the tune of _My Happy Ending_ very loudly. Bella groaned and continued to do her work. Once class let out, she punched me in the shoulder. "Do you ever go a day without being annoying?"

I smirked. "I'll have to check and see…." I thought for a moment, already knowing the answer. "Nope. And guess what, you'll be spending your entire immortal life with me. Your favorite big brother." I put my arm around her neck and gave her a noogie. She groaned at the thought of that.

She wiggled out of my grasp. "Thanks for ruining my day." She frowned and went on walking. But not even two seconds passed before Edward walked up. He saw the look on her face, growled at me, and kissed Bella on the cheek. Instantly, her face lit up and she held Edward around the waist as they walked down the hallway together.

I could do the same thing with Rose…. Loserfaces….


	9. Energy Drinks And The Magical Land

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I love you, you love me. We're one happy family!**

**Edward: Why are you singing Barney?**

**Me: I think it's cool!**

**Edward: It's lame.**

**Me: Jasper likes it, don't you, Jasper?**

**Jasper: HELL YEAH!**

Bella's Point Of View:

Edward was out hunting again. He goes hunting all too much. I know my blood is inviting and all but it seems that he goes every weekend "just to be safe." Emmett and Jasper were watching me again. I feared what they had in store for this weekend. I was sitting on the couch again, reading a magazine.

"Hey." Jasper was sitting right next to me.

I screamed. "AHHH! WHEN DID YOU GET THERE!?" I fell to the floor, surprised. Jasper chuckled. "You scared me." My heartbeat was racing at double speed. I sat back on the couch next to Jasper and Emmett came in with a case full of cans. "What is that?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Just your basic needs. _Red Bull_,_ Monster_, and _Rock Star_." He set the case full of energy drinks in front of me.

"I'm not drinking those." Was he stupid? That is just idiotic. Emmett opened a can of _Red Bull_ and shoved it in my hand.

"Please, Bella, or I'll make you go shopping with Alice." Blackmail. He just sucks eggs. I looked at the can and drank the whole things down in gulp. Emmett kept passing me more and more after I was done with one. My body started to get jittery as I was drinking my tenth one.

Emmett's Point Of View:

I was a terrible brother. I am man enough to admit it. I was watching Bella down all of the energy drinks. She was going so fast, it was scary. She obviously _didn't_ want to go shopping with Alice. I would have to keep that line in mind. Bella started bouncing in her seat after the whole case of drinks where gone. She started talking really loud.

"I have to go potty. Pottying is my friend!! And I need to visit my friend!!! Cause I gots to pee really bad!"

"You should go to the bathroom, Bella."

"Take me there, Emmy Bear!" I rolled my eyes and I took her to the bathroom. She stood outside the door.

"WAHH! I forgot how to use the bathroom!" If I was human, my face would have gone red.

"You, uh," I tried to think of how to explain how to piss. "You have to pull down your, uh, pants and your, uh, undergarments. Then you sit on the toilet and….uh…pee." This was embarrassing.

She started giggling. "Emmy is funny! I go bathroom now!" She entered the bathroom and after two minutes, she came out, looking refreshed. She ran into the living room started singing. "YOU'RE MY BESTEST FRIEND, JASPER!!!" Jasper had a strange look on his face.

"BELLA! LETS PLAY HORSEY AGAIN!" Jasper got on his hands and knees and started to go around. Bella jumped on his back and then Jasper ran straight into a wall.

"CHARLIEE!!!!!!!!!! CHARLIE, YOUR SUPPOSE TO BE A MAGICAL UNICORN!!!! YOU'RE A STUPID CHEAP UNICORN! A WALL ISN'T SUPPOSE TO STOP YOU!" Bella screamed and got off Jasper. She kicked the wall. "YOU STUPID WALL!"

"BELLA! I KNOW WHERE A RAINBOW IS!!!"

Bella squealed with joy. "TAKE ME, CHARLIEEE!" She got on his back and Jasper ran downstairs. I followed closely behind. Jasper stood up straight and Bella somehow got onto his shoulders. He pressed his hand against the wall and suddenly, a machine came up from the ground. "IS THAT GOING TO TAKE US TO THE MAGICAL LAND!?"

Jasper gasped. "HOW DID YOU KNOW!?"

"I'M SMART!!" Then Jasper ran through the portal with Bella on his back. I came closely behind. On the other side was lush green grass. The sky was blue. It looked like a cartoon. There were Dragons running around. And Unicorns flying. It was crazy. I didn't even know this existed. Jasper ran to where a rainbow began. "LETS GO UP IT, CHARLIE!!!" Jasper ran up the rainbow and stopped at the top of the rainbow. Bella and him looked down at the ground. I saw Bella's grip tighten. "AHHH! ITS SOOOO SCARY UP HERE!!! AHHHHH!!!! THAT DRAGON IS GOING TO EAT US!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" She pointed down at a baby dragon you could hardly see if you were human. A smirk went across my face.

"LETS GO DOWN THAT WAY!" Jasper yelled and pointed to the way they just came.

"NOOOO! THAT WAY IS SO BORING! LETS GO THAT WAY!" Bella pointed the other way.

"NO, THIS WAY!"

"NO! THAT WAY!"

"YOU WANNA FIGHT?"

"YEAH! NAME THE PLACE AND THE TIME!"

"RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!" Jasper yelled. Bella and Jasper got into fighting positions at the exact same time, walking around in a circle. They weren't serious….were they!? Suddenly, a short, short elf/Nome came running up.

"Hey, hey! This is a magical land! There is no such thing as fighting here!" The Nome waved his arms and Bella and Jasper looked at him, crazily.

"AHHHHH! CHARLIE!!! ITS MAX!! HE IS HERE TO KILL ME!!!!" Bella clawed her way back up onto Jasper's shoulders. Jasper gasped.

"YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY SISTER!" Suddenly, Jasper kicked the Nome off the rainbow and he went flying into a lake. My eyes went wide. He was mad. Just sheer mad. DANG! SHEER IS A BIG WORD! GO ME! GO ME! WOOOT!

Jasper and Bella slid-just like a slide-down the rainbow and fell into the grass, giggling like girls. For Bella that was normal, for Jasper….not so much….. Bella found a stick on the ground. A very, VERY, VERY long stick. She picked it up. There was a pond separating us. Bella picked up the stick, moved it over the pond and managed to poke my toe with it. She giggled like a manic. SHE. POKED. MY. TOE. MY FRIKING TOE!!!!

"HEY CHARLIEE!! GUESS WHAT!!!!"

"YESSS!?"

"I'MMA GUNNA GET MY TOE PIERCED!" Her toe pierced? How…nice… "IT'S GUNNA BE SOO PURDY!!!" She grinned so large that it looked like it hurt her face. She wiggled her foot out of her shoe, took off her sock, and showed Jasper her big toe. "THAT TOE RIGHT THERE!" She got up and danced a happy dance.

The Nome came running up, soaking wet and looking pissed. "You kicked me into a lake!"

Jasper smirked. "I did," he giggled. "How was your swim?"

"You cannot kick people into lakes! It's not right!" Like Jasper-the drunken off of Bella Jasper-was really going to listen to this Nome. Jasper started to fake cry and Bella held him.

"How dare you make Charlie cry you mean person!" Bella slapped the Nome across the face and the Nome turned madder, if possible.

"He…is….so…mean…to…me….I….didn't…mean…to…." Jasper said between sobs. Bella rocked him back and forth.

"SECURITY!" the Nome yelled. I didn't know they had security in a "magical land." Two large dragons appeared behind him. "Takes these two back to where they came from," he said, disgusted.

"NOO!" Bella screamed. "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO PRISON! I WILL DIE!!!" She picked the Nome up by his collar, off of the ground and shook him around. "PLEASE! DON'T MAKE ME GO! I'M NOT DUMB! I'M COMFORTABLY DUMB!!!! WAHHHH!!" She began to cry with Jasper and the large dragons looked unsure about us.

"You're not going to prison, lady! We're making you go home! Let go of me!" A dragon pulled the Nome off of Bella.

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO ANYWHERE, SHORT STUFF!" She huffed and turned her back to the Nome. The dragons picked Bella and Jasper up by their arms.

"NOOO! LET ME GO YOU WANNA-BE STUFFED ANIMALS!!" Jasper screamed at the top of his lungs. The dragons gasped and let go of Jasper and Bella and ran away-it looked like they were crying. Bella got onto Jasper's shoulders and Jasper ran away from the Nome, laughing like a mad man.

I followed closely behind, laughing as well.

Jasper ran up to a penguin. "LOOK, BELLSY! A PENGUIN!!!!" Jasper pointed at it.

"Shut up," the penguin said in a deep, deep voice. Jasper's eyes went as wide as the sun and ran as fast as he could with Bella on him. He ran away screaming, as well.

"THE PENGUIN TALKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jasper was running in circles and ran straight into a tree. Bella fell off.

"OW!" she yelled and rubbed her ass. "THAT HURT YOU BIG JERK!" She got up and slapped Jasper and ran away like a little girl. Then she stopped and giggle and started singing _You're A Jerk_. Talk about lame!

"I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE, BELLA!" Jasper cried.

"AT LEAST I DON'T WET THE BED!" she countered. Wow….he doesn't even sleep….

"GASP! HOW DARE YOU!" Jasper tackled Bella and got into a slapping fight. Jasper wasn't slapping hard so I wasn't worried. Suddenly, Bella stopped then Jasper.

A smile crept on Bella's face. "I WANT A RAINBOW POPTART!!!!" she exclaimed, happily, clapping her hands. Then I saw it.

There was a HUGE walking rainbow poptart. Bella was drooling over it. Even if I don't eat human food, it did look appetizing. She licked her lips and jumped up, throwing Jasper off of her. Damn, she's strong.

"AFTER THAT POPTART!" she instructed. Jasper ran over to the now running poptart. Jasper grabbed the rainbow poptart by the corner and dragged it back to Bella. Jasper bent down like she was his queen. "Thank you. Now I feast!" She took a large bite out of the poptart, smiling as she chewed. She swallowed. "THAT. WAS. FABULOUS!" Then before two minutes, the large rainbow poptart was gone. "YUMMY!!!" She grinned.

Then Jasper saw Dora The Explorer and screamed. "AHHH! DORA!!! I LOVE YOUUUU!" Dora looked at Jasper in alarm and Jasper started running after her. She screamed and started running as well. Jasper tackled the poor girl and sat on her stomach. "DON'T RUN AWAY FROM ME! I SAID I LOVED YOU! DO YOU LOVE ME?" Dora said nothing. She was frozen in shock and fear. "I SAID DO YOU LOVE ME!!! SPEAK BITCH!!!"

"Yes…I…uh…do…" she squeaked.

"I KNEW IT!!!" Jasper got up and danced. When his back was turned, Dora ran away again. Jasper skipped to Bella's side. "DORA LOVESS MEEE!!!" He grinned, happily.

"WELL, BOB THE BUILDER LOVES MEEEE! SO NAH!!!" Jasper looked sad for a second.

"BLUE'S CLUES LOVES MEE!!!"

"GASP! OH NO YOU DIDN'T!! LITTLE BILL LOVES MEE!"

"WOW! WOW! WUBBZY! LOVES MEE!" Jasper yelled.

"YO GABBA GABBA! LOVES MEEE!" Bella screamed back.

"LITTLE BEAR LOVES ME!"

"MAX AND RUBY LOVES ME!!"

"WONDER PETS LOVES MEE!"

"MISS SPIDER'S SUNNY PATCH FRIENDS LOVES MEEE!"

"NI HAO, KAI-IAN LOVES MEE!!" Jasper said, smiling.

"GASP! I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT!"

"TOO BAD!"

Bella tackled him. "I SAID, I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT!!!!"

I saw people coming towards them. In front, the Nome was in front.

"Hey guys, time to go home!" I yelled. Bella and Jasper muttered something.

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO GOOOO!" Bella whined.

"ME NEITHERRRR!" Jasper whined as well. I ran over to them and picked them up and placed each one under each arm. I ran to the portal, and went right on through. Once I got inside, I closed it quickly. Who knows? What if they came through? Although it would be fun to beat up some magical creatures….. I thought about opening it back up but I decided against it. Bella was starting to fall asleep off of an energy crash and Jasper was returning to normal.

I smirked at Jasper and Bella went off into a deep sleep. "Nice going, 'Charlie.'" Jasper growled and went back upstairs. Right before I was going to follow, Bella started sleep talking….

"Nice….poptart….good….poptart…. GET IN MY BELLY!!" she yelled. Just like Fat Bastard in _Austin Powers_. "I want my baby back tarts… I want my baby back tarts… Yummmmm….." She smiled in her sleep. Then she started to sing. "_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend._"

I laughed and left.


	10. Piercings

**Disclaimer:**

**Bobert: No, you don't own Twilight.**

**Me: Says who!?**

**Alice, Bella, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward: SAYS EVERYONE.**

**Me: You all lick fans.**

Emmett's Point Of View:

Bella walked up the steps from the basement, rubbing her hand on her head. "I have the biggest headache in the freaking world," she announced and sat down next to me on the couch. "And you are going to pay, I hope you know, Emmett." Like I was scared of a human! Ha!

After a while of silence, I broke it. Yelling at the top of my lungs. "BELLA! YOU HAVE A SPIDER ON YOUR HEAD!" She literally JUMPED up and started running around.

She was screaming and patting her head and waving it all over the place. "GET THE MONSTER OFF ME!!! EMMETT! HELP ME DAMMIT!" I was laughing so that lead onto the fact it was a joke. "I hate you," she muttered and sat away from me this time.

After about two minutes, an idea popped into my head. "Bella?" I asked, nicely.

She turned her head to me. "What?" Venom was running through her words.

I let my face fall. "I just was wondering if you wanted to do something."

"What is that?"

"LET ME PIERCE YOUR EAR!!!"

"WHAT!?! NO FREAKING WAY!!!"

"Please! Please!!!!!"

"NO!!!" she screamed. I am very trustworthy! Why won't she let me do it!!!!

I jumped on her and pinned her down. "Please, Bella!!! It won't hurt a bit!!!!!!!!" I whined.

She growled. "Edward will _kill_ you. Do you understand that?"

I nodded. "Yes, but he won't find out!"

"Oh, he won't, will he?"

"We'll keep it a secret!" I grinned and she grimaced. She sighed.

"Do it fast and if you make it hurt, I will sue you." She seemed like she was going against her will to let me do it. I couldn't believe she agreed! Man I had a lot of torture in mind…. Damn.

I ran into the bathroom and got a needle. I ran it under some water, then I ran it above some fire and put it through the water again. I didn't want her ear to get infected. Then Edward would seriously _kill_ me. I walked back into the living room and Bella had a scared look on her face. "Do you have an earring on you?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No, I carry a jewelry store around in my fucking pants." I rolled my eyes and ran up the stairs and got one from Alice's room. Of course, she would have some even though she doesn't wear them. I came back down and Bella was sitting in a ball. I came to her.

"Are you ready, Bella?" She shook her head no so I took it as a yes. "I'm going to make it painless. Now close your eyes and don't look until I tell you to. If you need to, dig your nails or whatever into me." She did but I didn't feel a thing. She closed her eyes tight. I was about to go for her ear but then a better idea came into mind. In less then a millisecond, I ran up to Alice's room, switched the earring, and was back before Bella knew. Lame humans.

"Do it, Emmett," she said through clenched teeth.

"Alright." With her eyes closed, I pierced the needle through her skin and quickly stuck the ring though the hole. "Done. Now go into the bathroom and look."

She squinted her eyes open. "It's done? I didn't feel a thing!" she exclaimed happily and ran into the bathroom to look. I stayed right there. Then in less then a second, she was yelling. "YOU. PIERCED. MY. FUCKING. NOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE _SOOOOOO_ DEAD!!!" She ran out of the bathroom, her nostrils were flaring. I hoped it didn't hurt her nose ring. She stomped loudly over to me and picked me up by the collar. "LISTEN HERE, TUBBY! YOU. DO. NOT. PIERCE. MY. NOSE. WITHOUT. MY. FUCKING. PERMISSION!!!!" She walked away and came back in with the bat.

Fuck.

I got up and started running. She was pissed. She did look good with a nose ring though! I didn't get why she was mad. She started yelling, "BOY, YOU BETTER GO SCREAMING INTO THE NIGHT AND BEG FOR HELP BEFORE I REACH YOU!!" She sure was threatening so I ran faster.

**An Hour Later:**

**Bella did finally reach me, and started torturing me. I sure did learn my lesson. Now I was here on the floor while she was spread out on the couch, looking and poking and staring at her nose ring with a hand mirror. "I seriously hate you, Emmett."**

"**Say what you want, but don't take that out for a while. Like six weeks or so. I don't know anything about piercing but don't take it out."**

**She groaned and got up and stormed up the stairs. Next thing I knew, Jasper was down, holding me against my neck and Bella right next to him. "YOU GAVE HER A NOSE RING!?!!" Bella had an amused look on her face. Traitor. "EDWARD IS GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!" I knew he was right.**

"**But she looks nice with it," I smiled weakly. Okay, I was nervous for when Edward gets home but I have a way with words to get myself out of messes. I was going to use it to my advantage. Jasper rolled his eyes and growled. Bella sat down on the couch, smiling. She looked content.**

**I grumbled and sat on the floor.**

"**And don't even think that's the end of it, Emmett. I also threw away your Spice Girl's collection. They are at the junkyard right now. Rotting away. So sad, isn't it?" She grinned evilly. Damn. I never knew she was so evil.**

"**NOOOO!!!!" I cried. I loved them with all my heart.**

"**Oh yes."**

"**I…but…no…WHY!?!!?!"**

"**OH I WONDER! LET ME PONDER THAT WHILE I TOUCH MY NOSE RING!!!!" she yelled back in fury.**


	11. In School

**Disclaimer:**

**Random Person: Hi! Do you own Twilight!?**

**Me: Why, yes I do.**

**Edward: -glare- **

**Me: Fine…I don't… -sad-**

Bella's Point Of View:

Emmett was waiting for me at school. He ran to me while I got out of my truck. I was instantly nervous. The outcome of this could _not_ be good. I, personally, was surprised that he was still even undead. When Edward came back from his hunting trip, he was absolutely furious. Strike that. He was BEYONG furious! He drove me home, in silence and I didn't dare to say anything. I gave Emmett a worried look after I closed my door to my cab.

"Hey, Bella, guess what we're going to do today!" He seemed all too happy, as well.

"What?" I asked, walking towards the school with Emmett by my side. I was looking for Edward but I couldn't find him. Suddenly, he was at my side, holding my waist.

"Hi," he breathed in my ear. Shivers went down my spine.

"EXCUSE ME! I WAS TALKING TO HER!!!" Emmett yelled at him.

Edward's eyes tightened. "Don't push me, Emmett. I'm still very pissed." That made me touch my nose ring. It was still in. I wasn't going to take it out because I didn't want it to get infected. A slight frown went across Edward's face when he saw me do it but I smiled back at him.

"Shove off, Double D."

"Emmett, my name has only one D in it. So calling me 'Double D' doesn't really work." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Shut up. I'm calling you Double D whether you like it or not. Lets go, Bella, we'll talk to you later, Double D!" Emmett pulled me along by the arm until Edward was out of sight. When we stopped, Emmett crouched down under a window into the science lab. He pulled me down so I had to crouch too.

"What are we doing?" I whispered because the window was open.

"We're going to spook them." His eyes flickered over the top of the window, to peer in, and came back. "Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, nor Edward are in the classroom. Damn. Oh well." He stood up and stood on the side of the window, still hidden. "Follow my lead."

Then Emmett backed up and ran towards the window, then suddenly jumped through the window and busted into the classroom. He groaned in pain. "BELLA! PLEASE! SPARE ME!!!" I jumped through the window and rolled like a ninja then I stood up. I knew what he was thinking.

"YOUR GOING DOWN, EMMETT!" I spat on the ground. My eyes flared with hate.

Emmett put his hands up guarding himself. "NOOO! PLEASE!!! DON'T HURT MEE!!!!" I ran over to him and kicked him in the stomach and he groaned.

"MISS SWAN!!! MR CULLEN!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?" the teacher yelled in horror. I turned and looked at the teacher and flared my nostrils, which sort of stung from the nose piercing. I made the most scariest face I could manage and the teacher jumped back. I turned back to Emmett and started to beat him up. After a good while, I stopped and smiled.

"That's pay back." I smirked and jumped out of the window again and started walking, but I quickly hid behind a tree. Emmett meet me a minute later there.

He gave me a knuckle knock. "THAT WAS SA-WEET!!! You really had the teacher scared out of his skin. Lets go to another class." I grinned largely.

"LETS GO!"

I followed Emmett to the class we were originally suppose to be in. The teacher glared at us and we took our seats. Emmett had a devilish grin upon his face. He passed me a note that said what he wanted me to do. I smirked and nodded.

"What does E equal?" the teacher asked.

Mike raised his hand and answered, "E equals MC squared." Emmett and I started clapping loudly and whistling.

"NICE JOB, MIKE!" I yelled.

"YOU GOT IT RIGHT! WAY TO GO!" Emmett yelled.

Later on, the teacher turned his back to us and was writing something on the board. Suddenly, Emmett screamed loudly. The teacher turned back immediately. He asked who it was.

"It was Lauren!" Emmett said, innocence was all over his face. Even I wouldn't disagree. The teacher sent Lauren out immediately, with a mean look on her face. The class was dismissed and we went to our next class. Once we got in, we sat in the middle of the row. The teacher started doing roll call.

"Mike Newton?"

"Prese-"

"THAT'S MEEEE! Oh, wait, sorry, nope that's not me."

"Jessica Stanley."

"I'm her-"

"THAT'S MEEEE! Damn it! That's not me either."

"Emmett Cullen."

"YES! FINALLY! THAT'S MEEEEE!" Emmett got up and did a little dance.

Later on in the class, Emmett pulled out a smoking pipe. The teacher of that class started to teach. He said something about world history when Emmett said, with the pipe in his hand, "Quite right, old bean. I absolutely agree."

The teacher gave him an odd look and continued. He read a page in our history book and Emmett raised his hand. Once he was called on, Emmett asked, "Will this first page be on our test?"

"Uh, no." Emmett grabbed a hold of the first page and tore it out of his book. My jaw pretty much dropped to the floor. Even I knew he was going to be in trouble. "Mr. Cullen! Do not deface school property!" Emmett apologized and the teacher went back to his lesson. Emmett flipped his page, scratched a picture, and sniffed it. The teacher sighed. "What are you doing, Mr. Cullen?"

"I was seeing if it was a scratch and sniff!" The teacher rolled his eyes and continued on his way. Emmett turned back and blew kisses to Mike, Jessica, and some other guys in the classroom. They looked faintly disgusted. After that class was over, Emmett told me to go ahead to class and that he will meet me there. I agreed. I couldn't wait to see what he had in store next.

I sat in the front of the class. The bell rang and I was wondering where that boy went to. Right in the middle of the teacher talking, the door opened and in stepped Emmett. Wearing a black cloak. He looked exactly like the Grim Reaper. "I've come to take your soul." Emmett reached out to the teacher and the teacher screamed. Then Emmett fell to the ground, laughing. The teacher got furious and instructed him to go to his seat.

The teacher gave a long lecture about something I didn't even understand. Emmett raised his hand. The teacher called on him. "Do you believe in ghosts?" Emmett asked randomly.

"Wait, what?" She furrowed her brow.

"DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS!?"

"I think that's off subject, Mr. Cullen." With that, she went back to talking with Emmett just laughing. He got up.

"I'm sorry, will you forgive me?" The teacher looked alarmed but her eyes soft. Then Emmett took off his pants and gave them to her. "I give this to you as a peace offering." He bowed as he retreated back to his seat. Then he ran to the window and looked out. "Oh, sorry. I thought I saw the Bat-signal. I MEAN, A PRETTY BIRD. IT WAS SO PRETTY." Then he ran out of the room, pulling me along. His pants were still off. I was laughing so hard.

Emmett and I walked into a random classroom. The teacher smiled at us as we took a seat. How smart. The teacher passed out some paper to everyone (including us). After about ten minutes, the teacher started to discuss the problems on the page. Emmett busted out.

"WAIT! WE WERE SUPPOSE TO DO THIS!? HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME!!!" He seemed angry and the teacher ignored him. Then Emmett looked to our neighbor and glared at him. The kid felt the glare on him and looked at Emmett. The kid kept looking away and looking back. The kid raised his hand and asked the teacher to ask him to stop.

"Why are you glaring at, Venn?" the teacher asked.

"HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY COOL NEW SOCKS!!! THAT BASTARD!!!!" He crossed his arms and ran out of class, with me laughing and slowly walking behind him. The bell rang for fourth hour. Emmett stumbled in, a minute late, with fake handcuffs on his wrists.

"SORRY I'M LATE! I JUST BROKE OUT OF PRISION! CARRY ON!"

Ten minutes later, the teacher passed out a test.

The teacher was walking around the room, looking at everybody. When the teacher walked by Emmett, he covered it up and glared, suspiciously. He yelled randomly, "STOP CHEATING OFF ME!!!" Once the test was over, Emmett held his head and groaned. The teacher asked what was wrong. "My multiple personalities are fighting. Again."

Later during another class, Emmett stood up in the front of the class. "Hi, my name is Emmett Cullen. I've had 'the problem' for three years and I want to get rid of it." Everyone looked at him with a confused look. "Isn't this the Alcoholic Anonymous? No? Oh, okay." He sat down with a sheepish grin.

Emmett dropped his pencil, on purpose, and asked a girl next to him to pick it up. She smiled, nodded, and picked it up. "HEY THAT'S MINE!" he yelled at her when she picked up the pencil and snatched it from her and rubbed it. "It's okay. The mean old lady won't hurt you ever again. Shhh, my precious." Emmett slipped me a note and told me to do something. I thought of something.

I got up to go over to the pencil sharpener but in the middle of the room, I looked down and cried. "I'M LOST!!!!" Emmett stifled a laugh. Once I got back to my seat, I raised my hand. The teacher called on me. "I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BEEE WHEN I GROW UPPPP!!!"

"What is that?" the teacher asked surprised.

"My dream job is to be a janitor. Just clean up hallways and puke! I can't wait till I can become one!!! WOOOT!!!" I punched the air in victory.

At the end of that class, the teacher passed out homework. I stood up in outrage. "THIS IS CRAZY! I'M GOING TO SUE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU GOT! HOMEWORK! HA!"

At the last class of the day, Emmett and I were sitting in the back of the classroom. The teacher was talking. "WHAT!?" I yelled. "SPEAK UP! YOUR MUMBLING!!!"

"Maybe you should move closer, Miss Swan," she advised me.

"I can't! I'm scouting the room for assassins. Its very dangerous in Forks, have you know!"


	12. Detention

**Disclaimer:**

**Bobert: Guess what!?**

**Me: WHAT!?**

**Bobert: I got you Twilight for a present!!**

**Me: REALLY!!?!?!?**

**Bobert: No -laughs evilly-**

Bella's Point Of View:

Because of our little shenanigans, we got detention. Edward was quite upset that I agreed and participated in this game. I kissed him on the lips and he said he forgives me just for that. My head was resting in the palm of my hand as I waited for detention to start. Emmett came running in and whispered in my ear as he sat down.

"A sub will be watching us today! This is gunna be good!!! Lets switch names and see how much trouble we can get each other into!" I laughed. It did seem like a pretty good idea so I nodded. The sub walked in and stood in front.

"Lauren?" Ha! Lauren had detention!

"Here."

"Jessica?"

"Here." 

"Emmett?"

"Here," I said. The teacher looked over at me with wide eyes like she didn't believe me. "My parents are stupid. They gave me a dude's name. They were thinking about naming me Travis! How embarrassing would it be for my boyfriend to say, 'hey guys, this is my girlfriend Travis!' That would be terrible!" Emmett laughed.

"Okay then…. Isabella?"

"Here," Emmett said. She gave him a wide eyed look.

"My parents are from the 'south' so they named be Bella. Stupid pricks…. I'm going to have my name changed when I am older!!!"

"Um…okay…Now, quiet…Cause detention is starting." He sat at a desk in the far back that were for teachers. I stood up, about to put my plan into action.

"YOUR SO GAY AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE BOYS!!!!" I sang at him.

"Excuse me, Emmett? What did you just say?"

"Oh, I think you heard me perfectly well. Let me re-say it though. YOUR SO GAY AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE BOYS!!!"

"I'm writing you down and giving it to the principal," he said while scribbling something down.

"Eat my shorts!" I said, pulling down my pants showing my unicorn underwear and turned around so he could see. His eyes almost bugged out of his sockets.

"PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!" he yelled. I smirked, pulled them up, and sat down. Emmett stood up next.

"Don't mind Emmett. She's a prick as well! I saw her trying to hit on a tree! Then I saw her making out with it. It was pretty sexy….but that's off topic!"

I heard Lauren whisper to Jessica. "I knew she was a slut." That immediately got me mad. I mean, I am a virgin! I grabbed her shirt collar.

"LIKE TO SAY THAT OUT LOUD?" I growled in her face.

"YOU. ARE. A. SLUT." She took my dare. That just pushed my buttons. I took my arm back and punched her in the face. I let go of her collar as I did so she fell back. She also skimmed a desk as she fell down. I saw blood starting to come out of her nose. Emmett smiled and gave me a look that said I'll-be-fine.

"If I'm a slut, you're a fucking whore and a fucking prostitute. And, oh! Look at that sign on your face that says, 'I'm a huge faggot, please fuck my face.' Get a fucking life, you bitch." I sat down and she looked stunned. She, then, got up and ran out of the class. I had a huge smirk on my face. It was amusing but the sub didn't think so.

"SIT DOWN!" he yelled at me and I obeyed. Then a minute later, I turned to him.

"Hey, subby. What's your favorite color?"

"Blue, now be quiet, Emmett."

"Do you like Ghost Hunters?" I asked.

"I said be quiet." He seemed annoyed.

"Do you like ice cream."

"QUIET!"

"DO YOU LOVE ME!?!"

"TURN AROUND!"

"BASTARD!" I had to try not to laugh.

Emmett stood up. "DO YOU LOVE ME!?!" He seemed hopeful.

"Bella, sit down!" He said and Emmett did, surprising. Then Emmett leaned over when the teacher wasn't looking and whispered an idea in my ear. I laughed quietly and agreed so quickly it's hardly possible.

"I see you windin' and grindin' up on that pole. I know you see me looking' at you and you already know! I wanna fuck you!" I shouted fuck. "You already know! I wanna fuck you!" I shouted fuck again. "You already know!" The teacher flipped. He said if that we said something bad again, he would get the principal. I was surprised he didn't go get him at that moment.

"Oh, and FYI, usually your first idea's are always the worst," he warned us.

I raised my hand and said, "My first idea was a movie about how cool you are, sir." He muttered something about me and returned to his desk. Then I saw Emmett put white out on his hand and he went up to the teacher.

"I'm sorry sir, can I go wash my hands? I got a little horny…" I couldn't help but laughing. 

"ISABELLA!"

"Oh shit. YOUR MAKING ME HORNY AGAIN YOU STUDMUFFIN!" He winked and walked back to his seat. The sub looked like he was dying.

After detention was done, Emmett drove me to an ice cream shop because I was starving of hunger. I was laughing so hard as I was trying to eat my ice cream. At times I would bust out saying Studmuffin and we'd laugh about it, loudly. Then I saw Mike Newton with a girl, they were on a date. I smirked and looked at Emmett. He grinned and nodded at me. I closed my eyes for a second, working up tears in my eyes and ran up to Mike, crying.

"MIKE! How could you do this to me? I…I thought we had something special….I…I loved you." Then Emmett put a hand on my shoulder and I hid my face in his chest, like I was really upset.

"DUDE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HER!!!???" 

"Who are you two?" the girl asked. She obviously wasn't from our school.

I took my face out of his chest and looked at the girl. "I'm his fiancé!" I yelled and the girl almost choked.

"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!???" She stood up and dumped her fudge sundae on his head and stormed out after she said she was sorry to me and hugged me gently. I smirked at Mike and he ran out after her. Emmett and I sat back down, laughing so hard. Emmett eyes shined and then he ran up to the person behind the counter in the store.

"OH MY GOD. I NEED YOUR HELP!"

"Yes?" the girl said.

"I LOST MY PET. HE IS A GRILLED CHEESE AND HE IS VERY AFRAID TO BE BY HIMSELF!" She gave him an odd look. "Fine, I will go find him myself. Bitch…"he muttered as he walked away. Then Emmett wanted to go to an ATM. We went into a mall to do it, plus, I didn't mind going to the mall….as long as it was without Alice. I'm evil…I know.

The money slipped out and there were people standing behind us. Then he grabbed the money and jumped up and down. "I WIN! I WIN! YESS! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK! High five me person!" he asked a random person behind us and he slowly gave him one. We passed the food court and he tugged me to a table. He jumped up on it and started doing the Peewee dance. You heard me. THE FRIKIN PEEWEE DANCE. I laughed and he pulled me up on a table next to him and we started dancing.

People looked at us and weird and we saw some rent-a-cops or something coming towards us and we ran away. Emmett slowly gave me a squirt gun and winked. I laughed and someone pasted by me. I took the gun out and squirted them right in the face. They looked at me crazily and ran away, freaked. Then I saw Santa Claus at the mall. I didn't even know it was close to December….weird.

I ran up to him, got in line, and then it was my turn to get a picture with him. "Ho, ho, ho. Happy Christmas. Sit on my lap!"

I shook my head. "Sit on my lap, Santa!!!" He gave me a strange look, got up, and I sat down then he sat down on my lap. I bounced my lap up and down. "Ho, ho, ho," I mocked his tone. "What would you like for Christmas little boy?"

"Uh…" he looked unsure.

"Oh! Smile for the camera!" I grinned and the flash took. Then I got up and Santa took his seat by me. I was laughing so hard once I got the picture. Once I got back, Emmett yelled.

"LOOK! I'M NAKED!" Many, many, MANY people turned around to look at him. "YOUR SICK! IF I WAS NAKED YOU'D BE LOOKING AT MY WEEWEE!!!!" He stormed off and I followed behind, laughing. Emmett spotted an elevator and we got inside. Emmett stood in front, by the buttons. Then other people stepped on. "Thank you for riding with us today. When the doors open again, you may exit. Please don't try to escape because then you will be shot. In the face. In the eye. And threw your brain. Now what level would we be going today?" At that second, they ran out of the elevator, leaving us laughing.

Emmett and I went back to the food court where a man was sitting alone. "Hey, want a lap dance?" Emmett asked him, wriggling his eyebrows. The guys eyes went wide and shook his head. "Damn it. How am I suppose to pay for that thong I just bought?" he said loudly and walked off.


	13. Lets Sing

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: EDWARD! I'm going to serenade you!**

**Edward: Why would you do that?**

**Me: Because I love you…and….I want to own Twilight.**

**Edward: Go ahead and sing…but you don't own Twilight.**

Bella's Point Of View:

I was at home with Emmett and Jasper. Emmett was setting up a machine in the wall and into the television. Jasper had a playful grin on his face. I still could not figure out what they were doing.

"Bella," Emmett said, with a microphone in his hand, "we are going to play karaoke." I smirked as Emmett put some words to a song on the television. Then he started to sing along. "_What you gon' do with all that junk?  
__All that junk inside your trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,G  
et you love drunk off my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)I  
drive these brothers crazy,  
I do it on the daily,  
They treat me really nicely,  
They buy me all these & Gabbana,  
Fendi and NaDonnaKaran, they be sharin'  
All their money got me wearin' fly  
Brother I ain't askin,  
They say they love my ass 'n,  
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,  
I say no, but they keep givin'  
So I keep on takin'  
And no I ain't taken  
We can keep on datin'  
I keep on love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)  
You love my lady lumps (love),  
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),  
My humps they got you,  
She's got me spending.(Oh)  
Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on 's got me spendin'.(Oh)  
Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on m  
eWhat you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my you gon' do with all that ass?  
All that ass inside them jeans?  
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream  
Make you scream, make you of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).  
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps  
(Check it out)I met a girl down at the said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.  
I could be your baby, you can be my honey  
Let's spend time not money.  
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,  
Milky, milky cocoa,  
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky say I'm really sexy,  
The boys they wanna sex always standing next to me,  
Always dancing next to me,  
Tryin' a feel my hump, ' at my lump, can look but you can't touch it,  
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,  
You don't want no drama,  
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama  
So don't pull on my hand boy,  
You ain't my man, boy,  
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,  
And move my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps (lumps)  
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)  
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)  
In the back and in the front (lumps)  
My lovin' got you,  
She's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on 's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my you gon' do with all that ass?  
All that ass inside them jeans?  
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream  
Make you scream, make you you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off this you gon' do wit all that breast?  
All that breast inside that shirt?  
I'ma make, make, make, make you work  
Make you work, work, make you work.  
(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha)  
[x4]She's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spendin' time on me  
She's got me spendin'.  
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me._"

He was dancing side to side as he sang along with the words. Then whenever there was a pause, he would do the moon walk. It was embarrassing but I could not help but laugh. Then once the song ended he gave me the microphone. "Your turn, sis!"

I sighed. I didn't want to go but I had a feeling that they would make fun of me if I didn't. I picked a song I knew well. I waited until the words came across the screen. "_It's peanut butter jelly time!!!  
Peanut butter jelly time!!!  
Peanut butter jelly time!!!  
bridge:  
now Where he at?  
Where he at?  
Where he at?  
Where he at?  
NowThere he go  
There he go  
There he go  
There he go  
Peanut butter jelly  
[x4]chorus:  
Its Peanut butter jelly Peanut butter jelly  
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat  
Its Peanut butter jelly  
Peanut butter jelly  
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat  
bridgechorus  
now break it down and freezetake it down to your kneesbreak it down and freezebreak it down and freezebridge  
chorus  
Now tick-tack-toe uh huh  
Tic-Tac-Toe Lets go  
Tic Tac Toe U got it  
Tic tac to lets ride  
bridge  
chorus  
Now freestyle freestylefreestyle freestyleyour style frestyle freestyle  
__your style_" I blushed as I sat back down as they laughed. It was Jasper's turn.

Once he got up their, he smiled at me. I knew that this was going to be a ridiculous karaoke contest. Then the beat started and I just couldn't hold in my laughter. "_You don't understand what it is  
That makes me tick  
But you wish you did  
You always second guess, wonderin' I say yes, but you just lose out every time  
If you only knew what I talked about  
When I'm with my friends just hangin' out  
Then you'd have the inside scoop  
On what to say, what to do  
That way when we play the game  
Baby you could never lose  
(Chorus:) Don't you wish that you could be a Fly on the Wall  
A creepy little sneaky little Fly on the Wall  
All my precious secrets, yeah  
You'd know them all  
Don't you wish that you could be a Fly on the Wall  
You'd love to know, the things I do  
When I'm with my friends, and not with you  
You always second guess, wonderin'  
There's other guys i'm flirtin' with  
You should know by now  
If you were my boyfriend, I'd be true to you  
If I make a promise, I'm comin' through  
Don't you wish that you could  
See me every second of the day  
That way you would have no doubt  
That baby i would never stray  
(Chorus:) Don't you wish that you could be a Fly on the Wall  
A creepy little sneaky little Fly on the Wall  
All my precious secrets, yeah  
You'd know them all  
Don't you wish that you could be a Fly on the Wall  
A little communication  
Well that would go a long way  
Your getting mis-information  
Too much he say he say  
And what I say is  
Come a little closer  
And what I'm gonna say is  
Don't You  
Don't You  
Don't You  
Don't you wish you were a... Hey!  
(Chorus:) Don't you wish that you could be a Fly on the Wall  
A creepy little sneaky little Fly on the Wall  
All my precious secrets, yeah  
You'd know them all  
Don't you wish that you could be a Fly on the Wall_" Emmett and I were laughing so hard. You have no idea. Then he started to break dance. My eyes widen and my laughter started up again. The door of the house opened up and Jacob stepped in. I couldn't believe my eyes. Since when did he come?

"Hey, Jake. What's up?" I asked, getting up but he put his hand up with a smile and I saw it. He had a tutu on. A FREAKING TUTU. Then he came in, dancing like a ballerina. ON HIS FREAKING TIPPY TOES TOO! Then Emmett came in, with long blonde hair like Rosalie. And he was wearing a dress.

"Oh, your so handsome!" he exclaimed like he was a girl. Then Jake got down on his knees.

"My beloved, you are to be mine and only mine. Come away with me!" He kissed his hand-very odd-and they ran out the front door together. I was in hysterics. Then they came back in, dressed usually, scowling at each other. "I can't believe you talked me into that, leech."

"You know you loved it when you kissed my hand," Emmett winked and sat down next to me. "Did you like my singing and the play?"

"It was fabulous," I said with a smile.

"AWESOME! Hey, lets go to the zoo!" He seemed excited. Plus, animals are raw (I'm turning gangster now) so I didn't seem like a bad idea so I agreed. "YAY!" He threw me over his shoulder, got into the jeep, threw me in, and drove away at a fast pace. Jacob's shirt was caught in the door and he was being dragged. I knew Emmett did that on purpose. Once we got to the zoo and we all got out, Jake was furious.

"YOU DRUG ME ALL THE EFFING WAY HERE!" he yelled at Emmett's face.

He merely shrugged. "You could have ran with the car." Then he bought tickets for all of us and we made our way inside. "Lets go see the bears!" he yelled, excited.

"No! Lets go to the penguins!" Jasper grinned.

"How about the tigers?" I said.

"Lets go to the giraffes," Jake exclaimed.

"NO! WE ARE GOING TO SEE THE BEARS!" Emmett screamed at all of us and we agreed quickly. He pulled all of us with force and stopped at the bears. "WOOT! HI BEARIES!" he exclaimed but they were all sleeping. He started banging on the glass. "WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU BEARS!!! I WILL EAT YOU!!!!!" he screamed at them. "DAMN IT! FUCK THIS! I'M GOING IN TO WAKE THEM UP!" Emmett disappeared. Next thing I knew, Emmett was in the bear cage. He got a long, thick stick and started poking the bear. "WAKE UP!" I heard him yell. The bear got up and looked over at him and growled. "OH! YOU WANNA PLAY DIRTY NOW DON'T YOU!? BRING IT ONNNNN!" Then as the bear started to come towards him, he ran out like a scared little kid on Halloween. He came back panting. "I so killed his self-esteem!" he said gracefully and walking along.

**A/N: The rest of this chapter will be in the next thingy. ;D Oh! And if you have any idears for the stories, teller me! ^_^ And I most likely will use it. And keep putting on some reviews cause I lovers to read them o_o ^_^ Keep on rocking C:**


	14. The Zoo and The Movies

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I'm gunna eat your brains**

**Bobert: Say what!?**

**Me: I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAINS IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME TWILIGHT!**

**Bobert: -opens head- Go ahead and eat then.**

Bella's Point Of View:

Once we left the bear cages, we went to go see the penguins. Jasper was beyond excited. "They are sooooo cute!" he grinned. "I WANNA PLAY WIFF ONEEE!"

"Jasper, I don't recommend that," I told him.

He rolled his eyes. "So? I WANT TO PLAYYYYYY!" Jasper disappeared and came into the penguin cage. He sat down and the penguins came to him.

"COME ON BELLA! LETS GOOO!" Emmett grabbed my hand and drug me in to the cage. I fell onto my ass on the cold ground. Jasper started to pass out cards.

"We're going to play poker!!!" Jasper exclaimed and my eyes widen.

"Dude, they are penguins! They cannot play poker!!" I yelled but Jasper rolled his eyes again and passed out the rest of the cards. The penguins were amazing. They beat all of us five games to seven. I felt dumb. Jasper threw his cards down the ground.

"YOU STUPID PENGUINS! YOU ARE ALL CHEATERS! LETS GO!" He stomped out of the cage and I followed, giggling. Once we got out, there was an intercom coming on it.

"Emmett Cullen is amazing." And guess what. It was his voice. "And Bella, Jasper, and Jacob SUCKS BIG, JUICY, HAIR EGGS ON STEROIDS!!!! Oh crap…um…hi you rent-a-cop….AHHH! RUNN FOR YOUR LIVESSS!" Then the intercom shut off. Emmett came running towards us with cops running after us. He hid behind a trash can and they passed right by him. He came out, panting. "Hey Bella! Wasn't that awesome?"

"Yes, and now I'm hungry," I smirked.

"ME TOO!!!!" Jake yelled.

"You are a pig, dog," Emmett muttered.

"Wow, that's nice. Was that suppose to be an insult?" Jake pulled me to a food stand. "I'd like five large pieces of pizza. Tons of French fries. Some bread sticks. Cotton candy. And a Dr. Pepper." He gave him the money and Jake skipped happily to a table.

"One piece of pizza and diet water, please," I asked seriously.

"Diet water…?" the woman asked. "Water is fat free anyway."

"I want _diet water_. I don't want _regular water_. So a diet water, please."

"There is no such thing as diet water, ma'am."

"I WANT MY FUCKING DIET WATER!! ARE YOU SAYING YOU REFUSE TO GIVE IT TO ME!?

"No…it's just that…there is no such thing!"

"FORGET IT! Just give me the pizza. And I saw it should be free since you say you 'don't have' what I want." I grabbed my pizza and ran to my seat by Jake. "Now that's one way to get a free pizza," I told Jake with a wink.

After lunch, I wanted to go to the tigers. I smiled widely at them. They were so pretty and colorful. "OH MY GAWD! THEY ARE WALKING RAINBOWS!!!" Emmett yelled running around screaming. Emmett ran straight into the glass. The tigers growled. Emmett got scared and ran up to a random person and hugged someone. "YOUR SUCH A GOOD HUGGER! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!!!" he exclaimed and hugged them tighter. The man looked freaked out. Then he ran away after Emmett let go. Emmett then leaned next to me. "Lets go pull some pranks in the bathroom."

I frowned. "But I'd be the only girl in the woman's bathroom," I whined.

He sighed and put on a wig on and some hip hugger jeans with a shirt that said "I love my humps." "I'll come with you!!!" Jasper and Jake went into the guys and Emmett and I went into the woman's. I went into a stall and Emmett went into another. I was right next to a person. I put my hand at the bottom of the stall.

"Can I borrow a sharpie?" I asked. The person said they didn't have one. "You suck," I grumbled.

I heard Emmett yell. "COME ON, MR. AWESOME! DON'T FALL ASLEEP ON MEEEEE!!!!" I giggled. I pulled out a small mirror from my pocket and put it under the stall door and faced it to the lady in the next one.

"PEEK-A-BOO!!! I SEE YOU!" I gasped. "LOOK AT THAT! I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE, I SEE A LADYS UNDERPANTSS! AND IT'S A THONG!" I screamed and ran out of the stall. Then Emmett and I ran out of the bathroom. Then I stopped and looked at the sky. Emmett did the same thing. People who passed by looked up as well and went along on their way. Then a girl stopped to ask me what I was looking at. "Look right there!" I pointed my finger to a random place. "Do you see it?"

"I don't see anything…." she said, looking up where I was pointing.

"No, look right there!! Its there!!! Look harder!!!!" I said.

"Oh I see it! That's really cool!" By then, there was a huge crowd gathered and all of them were looking up. Emmett and I walked away with a large grin on our faces. Rent-a-cops came up to us, all professional.

"I'm sorry but I'm going to ask you to leave."

As we were just about out, Emmett yelled. "THEY ARE FREE!!! AND THEY ARE HUNGRY!! THEY ARE GOING TO EAT USSS!!!" Emmett, Jake, Jasper, and I ran to our car and drove away quickly. "Lets go to the movie and see _The Dark Knight_!"

I gasped. "I LOVE THAT MOVIE! But wait, didn't we all already see it?"

"That's why we are going," Emmett said slyly and pulled into a parking space.

In the Movie Theater (Where the movie previews are just starting):

There were previews for some movie that looked super dumb Emmett groaned at yelled. "WILL YOU FAST FORWARD IT ALREADY!? I'M STARTING TO FALL ASLEEP!!!" We were sitting in the back row and everyone turned around and looked at us. "HEY! TURN AROUND!!!" he yelled at them. They did so. As the movie started, Emmett got up, wearing a cape and yelled. "IM BATMAN!!!! HAHAHAHHA!" He laughed evilly and sat back down like nothing happened.

"The Joker…" Batman said, looking at him.

"THE JOKERSTER!!! I EFFING LOVE YOUUUU!" he screamed. The people in front of us shushed him. "Loser…." he muttered. He picked up a piece of my popcorn and flicked it at their head. They turned around and Emmett pointed at Jake sitting next to him. "It was him!" They turned back around. Jasper put on some 3-D glasses.

"The special effects SUCK in this movie!" he complained, taking off the glasses and threw it at a random person. They said a very, very, VERY corny joke and Emmett, Jasper, Jacob, and I all laughed very loudly like it was the best joke in the world. Then someone who was a good guy got killed. I clapped loudly.

"WOOT!!!! MEET YOU IN HELL SUCKERR!" I yelled. In the beginning of the movie as well, the fake Batman was using a gun. I fell to the floor, yelling, "TAKE COVERR!! HIT THE FLOOR!!! THEY FOUND OUT I'M A SECRET NINJA! DAMN IT ALL!!!!" Emmett saw someone whispering to the person next to them in the isle in front of us.

Emmett got out a squirt gun and squirted them. "Be quiet! I'm trying to watch the movie!" They muttered something and Emmett shot them again. Jake pulled out a flashlight and started to do flash random people and laughing evilly when they looked back. Not soon after, we were asked to leave. After we got outside, my phone went off. It was Jessica for an odd reason.

"Hello, this is Marcie from the city morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em. How may I help you?" I answered while we all walked down a random street because we wanted to take a walk. Then line went dead. I laughed so did everybody else.


	15. Over A Llama

Disclaimer:

Me: I like cupcakes!

Bobert: No, no, NO! I LIKE CUPCAKES!!!

Me: I own Twilight!

Bobert: No, no, NO! YOU DO NOT!

Me: Crap.

**Bella's Point Of View:**

**Emmett and I were in class together. It was Monday and we were in math. And it was beyond boring. I saw Emmett pull out his cell phone and quickly dialed the school phone number.**

"**Hi, can I talk to Calvin? The Algebra teacher?"**

"**Sure. One moment while I transverse you."** I listened in, while a grin on my face. The phone in our room rang. The teacher said hold on and answered the phone. **"Hello?"**

"Hi," Emmett said and smiled. He kept his voice low but audible for the person on the other line.

"**Hi. What can I do for you?"**

"I am calling from a radio station. And I would like to tell you that you won two thousand dollars!"

"**Really? Or are you kidding me?"**

"Really."

"**Can you call me back later? I am teaching a class right now and I need to get back to it. Can you call me at Four?"**

"No. Now goodbye." Then Emmett hung up. I saw the teacher's face fall. Emmett called the school again and asked for Calvin.

"**Hello?"** the teacher asked, surprised.

"Hi, do you own a Suzuki Grand Vitara?"

I saw the teacher's eyes go wider. **"Yes. Is there something wrong?"**

"Yes, actually there is. Your vehicle is parked on a llama and we ask you to remove it."

"**There are no llama's in Forks."**

"I wouldn't be so sure, sir, because your car is parked on one. And if you do not remove your car from it, then your car will be towed and it will be at your experience. Now please, before we have to do that, remove your car from the llama."

"**Very well. Thank you."** And they both hung up. Calvin grabbed his keys and turned to the class. "Someone just said my car is parked on an animal. I'm going to move my car. Behave while I'm gone!" Then he darted out of the classroom. Emmett laughed evilly. I knew he had another idea in mind. Then I saw Emmett take off his boxers-I didn't see anything though-and put them on the teachers desk. The teacher came back in, already annoyed, and passed by his desk. He stopped and looked at the boxers. "WHAT THE HECK!?" he yelled, pinching it between to pencils. Emmett called the office again, telling them that Emmett Cullen and Bella Swan need to go home. Our teacher got the call and we walked out of class.

I gave him a high five. "Thank you! That class was super boring." He grinned and we went to our lockers. Once we put our stuff away, we stood there and grinned at each other. Ideas blasting through our brains. We headed straight into the girls bathroom. "Melt some chocolate. Hurry up." I smirked and he left in a hurry. There was yellow liquid soap and I put some in cup and started throwing it all over. Emmett came in a second later and started throwing the chocolate everywhere. Smashing it on the walls, on the mirror, and all over the bathroom stalls. I put some more yellow liquid everywhere. We stepped back. It looked like someone shitted and pissed everywhere. We grinned at each other and left quickly.

Then Emmett and I ran into the class where Edward and Rosalie had together. We grabbed hold of them and the teacher looked alarmed. We started to fake cry. At the same time, we yelled through sobs, "I'M ASHAMED OF WHAT I DID FOR A KLONDIKE BAR!" Everyone in the class looked stunned and we ran out of the room. I winked at Edward which let him know it was a prank. He smiled and nodded.

Next, Emmett and I were strolling down the hallway and we saw a real geeky kid. I came up to him. "Hey, Eugene."

"Hi, Bella." He seemed surprised because I NEVER talk to him.

"I can pin a glass of water to the wall. A REAL glass of water and a straight pin."

"No you can't." He furrowed his brow.

"Want me to prove it?" I asked, confident. "I'll bet you fifty bucks."

"Your on," he said. And we shook hands. Emmett got a glass cup of water and a straight pin for me. I went to a large spaced out wall and held the glass onto the wall. I was about to head towards the glass but I dropped the pin.

"Will you get that for me?" I asked. He nodded and bent down. At that moment, I turned the glass over and all the water dumped on his head. "Oh, my bad!" I said, then Emmett and I ran away, quickly.


	16. Officer Jasper

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Woot!**

**Bobert: Woot woot!**

**Me: Woot woot woot woot!**

**Bobert: Cheater…. You still don't own Twilight.**

Bella's Point Of View:

Once we ran away from the soaking Eugene who looked furious, the principal stepped in front of me. He was tapping his foot, a little mad. "Office, now," he instructed we followed slowly after him. Emmett caught my eye, a sparkle in his eyes. I saw him texting so quickly it was only possible for a vampire. He sent a message and put away his phone. We sat down on the chairs and the principal started rambling. Emmett got uninterested. Then in the next second, the doors of the office busted open and someone in a cop uniform came in and made me and Emmett stand up. He put handcuffs on us.

"You have the right to remain silent," he said. I could tell it was Jasper. I managed to hide my smile. "Anything you say will be held against you in the court of law." He jerked up out of the room with the principal following closely behind. Somehow there was a cop car outside and he shoved us in the back like we were real criminals. I could hear the principal panicking. Students were looking out through their window. I saw Rosalie and Edward chuckle quietly and Alice laughing hard. After closing the door, officer Jasper looked at Mr. Greene.

"What is going on here!?" he almost shouted, he looked flustered.

Jasper put his arms behind his back like he was in the army again. "Sir, these two delinquents-" when he said it, he said it with venom and looked at us hard but winked- "are going to be held in custody for the next couple of days. They have done some very bad things that are illegal whether they know it or not."

"Excuse me? If you do not mind me asking, but what did they do!?"

Jasper shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir, but that information is vital to the world's very existence. Now if you excuse us, if I don't get these kids back to the secret army base-I MEAN! The delinquents center, the world will explode- I MEAN! It will be very bad. Good day to you." Jasper straightened even more if possible and then got in the car and drove away, a little too quickly for a copper. A block down from the school was a car. And one that was not a police car! Yes! Jasper let us out, with Emmett and I both laughing.

"The world will explode," Emmett mimicked perfectly. We gave each other high fives. Emmett sighed, looking bored. Oh gosh. "What are we going to do now?" Emmett thought for a moment and a look went across his face and then it brightened up. "Let's go to the pet store!!!" We got into the car, leaving the copper car for stranded and speed off. We parked in front of a large pet store and ran inside. There were kittens, puppy, and birdies. Tons of animals. "Bella!" Emmett called, partly whining. I walked away from the hamsters and came up to Emmett and stared wide eyed what he was holding. "I bought this for you!"

He put a chinchilla in my hands and I grinned. "It has such big ears!!" I gushed. "JASPER!!" I called. He didn't appear and I got annoyed. I wanted to show him my awesome pet. "JASPER! GET YOUR BIG, JUICY BUTT OVER HERE!" Jasper walked up and froze as he looked at the chinchilla.

Jasper looked skeptical. "Why are you holding Dumbo?"

I got offended. I stomped on the ground. "He's not Dumbo! He's a friking chinchilla! Emmett bought him for me. Guess what his name is!"

Jasper crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Chuck?"

I gasped. "Heaven no! Its Cohen Xavier Sebastian Riley Kyle Jacob James Steven Jackson Christian Skylar Anton Ethan Noah Ayden Braden Caleb Liam Connor Alexander Gabriel Tristan Oliver Dylan Chase Aaron Joel Asher! It is the greatest name in the whole friking world, isn't it?" I grinned and they looked dizzy from the long name. I glared. "I like it! Let's go. I want to go do something fun." I tickled my chinchilla. I got into the car and Emmett drove fast to McDonalds. I knew what he had in mind. Lately, him and I seem to be on the same page. Along with Jasper.

"Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?"

"No," Emmett simply stated. I could practically see the face on the woman.

"Okay. Order when your ready…"

"I'm not going to give you an order. I REFUSE TO GIVE YOU AN ORDER!!!!"

The cashier type person seemed confused. "Then…why'd you come if you weren't going to order?"

"I wanted to talk with you. So how are you today?"

"Sir, I'm going to ask you to move forward or go."

"I feel offended. IS IT BECAUSE I'M BLACK!?" I busted out laughing.

"Sir…uh…no…I'm not racist." I'm pretty sure she didn't have the heart to tell him he wasn't black.

"ALL I FRIKIN WANTED WAS A GOOD CONVERATION WITH YOU! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU!?!?!"

She sighed. "I'm quite decent, sir, now please move ahead. We have a long line."

"Your not going to ask how I am?" he seemed offended again. "SHOWS HOW GOOD OF A FRIEND YOU ARE!!!" He faked cried.

"Well, sir, I don't exactly know who you even are, so how can we be friends?"

"My name is Emmett. What's your name!?" He seemed like a little kid. I slapped my forehead, laughing.

"Megan. Now please, sir, we have to move this line along, so if you do not move I will call the manager."

"Your such a bitchface!" he yelled and sped away. We switched cars again but we got into a limo. And drove to Pizza Hut. Once we pulled out in front, I jumped out, wearing tight red skinnies, a rocker shirt, and my hair done like a rockstar. Guess what. Alice was waiting for me. I watched them set up. Once they were done, I jumped out. There was a red carpet and I stood on it. "OVER HERE, MISS!!!" Emmett and Jasper both had cameras snapping pictures left and right. **(A/N: My uncle has done this before)**

People doing in were looking at me and then I heard some whispers like they saw me on television. "Do a sexy pose for us!" I stuck my butt out and put my hands on my knees, looking as sexy as I could. A little girl came up to me.

"Can I has your autograph miss famous person?" I chuckled and scribbled a random name on it. I patted her head and she ranaway. We hopped back into the limo and drove away, laughing. We drove to Starbucks and hopped out of the limo. People were staring us down. I got kind of frustrated. Don't you just hate it when people stare!? We walked inside and I got a French vanilla coffee. I was leaning against the wall waiting for Emmett and Jasper then this old man comes up to me.

"Can I help you?" I asked after a minute of him just standing in front of me, glaring at me. I saw Emmett and Jasper just watching with amused looks.

"It's people like you who make this world a terrible place!" he yelled at me then proceeded to spit in my drink. He walked away, mad. My eyes were as wide as saucer plates and my mouth was hanging open. Emmett and Jasper could barely breathe from the laughter.

I walked up to them while they were on the floor laughing. I dumped my coffee on them. "You people," I growled.

Emmett stood up. "What do you mean 'you people'!? What are you trying to say!?" He screamed.

I screamed back. "I'M SORRY! WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS 'YOU VAMPIRES!'" I put my hand over my mouth and stormed out, chuckling as I went. People were staring but I didn't mind, it only made me laugh more. Emmett and Jasper were trying to convince them that it was a play that was being preformed. After a minute, they were fully convinced and Jasper came out angry.

"You're a dumb human," he grumbled as we got into the limo.

"Did you get me another drink?" I asked and grinned. "And don't pretend you don't love me!"

"Don't make me eat you," Emmett said.

I gasped and grinned. "YOU'RE A VAMPIRE AND A ZOMBIE!? THIS IS EVEN MORE AMAZINGGGGG!!!! Then you won't have to waste a human carcass! You can then eat it!!!"

Jasper looked over at Emmett. "Emmett, did you….get her drunk again?"

He shook his head. "I did no such thing! I think that Bella is feeling a little weird."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't make me bite you," I threatened.

He then rolled his eyes. "Oh like that would hurt me! Ha!"

"I'll get my liter," I told him, reaching for my back pocket that had nothing in it. I was bluffing.

He put his hands up. "Okay! Okay! I'm done." There was a silence. "Hey, where's Cohen Xavier Sebastian Riley Kyle Jacob James Steven Jackson Christian Skylar Anton Ethan Noah Ayden Braden Caleb Liam Connor Alexander Gabriel Tristan Oliver Dylan Chase Aaron Joel Asher?" I looked around and I gasped.

"JASPER!!! WE LOST HIM!!!!" I sniffled and looked down. "I love you, Cohen Xavier Sebastian Riley Kyle Jacob James Steven Jackson Christian Skylar Anton Ethan Noah Ayden Braden Caleb Liam Connor Alexander Gabriel Tristan Oliver Dylan Chase Aaron Joel Asher."

"He's right here!" Jasper threw him at me while Emmett was rolling up and down the window. And guess what again! He flew straight out the window. I screamed. "Oh shit," Jasper yelled and stomped on the brakes.

I ran outside and looked around for him. He was on the ground, eating something I had no idea what it was. "There you are!!!!! You friking freako, Jasper! You almost killed him!"


	17. Skipping School Then Coming Back

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Hi Jasper!**

**Jasper: Hi Sarah!**

**Me: Hi Jasper!**

**Jasper: Hi Sarah!**

**Me: Hi Jas-**

**Edward: Shut the hell up already! You do NOT own Twilight!**

**Me: *whispers to Jasper* He's SUCH a party pooper!**

Bella:

After the day with Jasper and Emmett, I went back to their house. I got a new cage for Cohen Xavier Sebastian Riley Kyle Jacob James Steven Jackson Christian Skylar Anton Ethan Noah Ayden Braden Caleb Liam Connor Alexander Gabriel Tristan Oliver Dylan Chase Aaron Joel Asher then Alice took him out and played with him. I was on the couch when Edward said everyone was going hunting again. A sadden look went across my face. Edward goes hunting all too much, it saddens me. I kissed him before he went and slumped down on the couch again. Loud music was blasting and I yelled at the top of my lungs. I knew who was blasting it too.

"Emmett, shut that shit off!" The loud music stopped at once and then Emmett came down, singing a song.

He had a "lovely" little dance with it. "Totally! For sure! I just got a manicure! The sun! I swear! Its bleaching down my hair! 24! 64! I don't even know the score! Go! Go! Fight! Fight! Gee! I hope I look alright!" My eyes widened. Didn't only little children sing that song!? "Oh don't pretend you don't love it, Belly-Boo!" I grimaced.

"You're right. I'm not pretending."

He started jumping up and down, doing another "cheer." "Let's get fired up. Get rough, get tough, get mean. Let's get fired up and roll right over that team!"

I put my hands over my ears and screamed, "Okay! What the hell do you want from me!?"

"Lets have some fun!"

I shrugged. "Why not? What do you have in mind?"

"JASPER! SHE SAID YES! LETS GO!"

I growled. "You do know he has extra special hearing, right? You don't have to freakin' yell!" Jasper appeared beside me. He opened the window. It was pitch dark outside. I cussed. "Damn, it's dark."

"It's perfect, Bella!" Emmett put me on his back and ran to Mike Newton's house. We climbed through his window. He was in his bed, drawing a picture. His eyes almost popped out of his eyes.

"What are you three doing here!? Get out! Well, Bella can stay…but you two get out!"

"Sorry, Mike," we all said in unison. Emmett pulled out some things and pasted them on Mike. He moved out of the way and I died. He had dog ears, a black nose, and a tail. He was dressed completely like a dog. He had a collar and his shirt and pants were brown with black spots. Emmett hooked a leash onto him. "Let's go! You're my bitch now!" Emmett yelled and laughed evilly. He grabbed him and we WALKED out of the house. Next thing I knew, we were at a dog show. Yes. A freaking dog show. We all walked up to the lady at the desk. Emmett made Mike crawl on his hands and knees just like a dog. It was hilarious. "Hi, I would like to enter my pet dog in the contest." The woman looked over the counter and her eyes went wide.

"Sir…that isn't a dog."

Emmett gasped. "HE IS SO A DOG!" The Emmett whispered to Mike, the woman didn't hear it. "Bark you son of a bitch!" Mike hesitantly barked. "See? He is a dog."

"SECURITY!!!" the woman yelled and we booked, leaving poor Mike alone. I was on Jasper's back this time. We stopped at a local park and we sat on the swings. Jasper's phone rang.

"Hello?" he asked, after putting the phone to his ear. He put it on speaker so we all could.

"Is Dr. Carlisle there?" a small woman asked.

"Dr. Carlisle Condom is not here. I'm sorry."

"Condom?" I stifled my laugh.

"Yes, ma'am. That is his last name. Dr. Carlisle Condom! He's not hear right now but call back and leave a message on the voice mail and he'll get back to you! Have a condomlicious day!" Jasper said and hung up the phone. It rang again but went to voicemail. I was laughing. After a while, Emmett looked down. "What's up, Emmett?" Jasper raised an eyebrow at him.

"I need to tell you guys something….I'm pregnant….and Alice is the father." I fell off of the swing, clutching my sides. Jasper just glared for a couple seconds but laughed as well. "JUST KIDDING!" he screamed and that made us laugh harder.

At School The Next Day

It was in the beginning of first period. Emmett and I had this class together. Emmett leaned over to Mike, who was still a little ticked off about the prank we pulled. Emmett whispered, "I'm sorry about yesterday, but I know how to make it up to you." Mike glared at him, but let him continue. "I know how you can get Bella to fall for you." This intrigued Mike. I just smiled. I knew Emmett wouldn't jeopardize Edward's and my relationship. "She told me that when guys run around the school completely naked that she falls completely in love with them. All you have to do is that and she will be yours forever!" Mike eye's sparkled but went dim.

"How do I know you're not trying to trick me again?"

"I'm for real this time." He had his fingers crossed behind his back. Mike grinned.

He raised his hand and excused himself from the classroom to the bathroom. I was laughing. Next thing that happened was the classroom door flew open and guess what. Mike Newton was standing in the doorframe, completely nude. He looked sexily at me. My mouth dropped and I tried to look away from his "penis." But you can hardly call that one! What was it like? Two inches long!? I fell to my floor, laughing. I couldn't help it. Even the teacher chuckled. Seriously, a teacher! Mike turned red and ran away. Emmett whispered to me to meet him in the guys bathroom in two minutes. He walked out and I chuckled. Once two minutes passed, I walked out and went into the guys restroom. A little nervous may I say!

Emmett grabbed me and pulled me into a stall. He had a sharpie and he wrote, "Edward can hear you" on it. I chuckled quietly. I took the sharpie and wrote, "Jasper can FEEL you" then I drew a winking face. That made him roar in laughter. After writing more profanity on the restroom stalls, we walked past a room. But it started to blast the song Single Ladies. And you guessed it. Emmett started to dance. I looked at him in horror.

I covered my eyes. "NO! PLEASE STOP! JOE JONAS WAS BAD ENOUGH!!!" I ran away, but slowed down, snickering. We walked outside (We are so bad! We're skipping *laughs evilly*) and we sat on the grass. Emmett took out his cell phone and called Edward's phone.

"Hello, Edward speaking."

"Hi, I'm calling from the local orphanage. I was hoping you could donate some breast milk to us."

"Excuse me? Um… I do not have breasts, miss, so in that case, I do not have breast milk. I'm sorry."

"So you refuse to help the children without homes?"

"No, I just cannot donate breast milk because I don't have any." Edward then hung up. Emmett and I walked a block away from the school, ran me to the park.

"I'll be right back," he grinned evilly and ran off. About ten seconds later, Emmett was back. With Alice's bra. He went over to little kids on the merry-go-round. "I'm the Bramanantor! If you do not give me twenty million kitties I will destroy you!!" The little kids screamed and ran away. We laughed for a moment then ran back home. Emmett brought out some Peeps and began micro waving them. I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm NOT eating those," I told him, somewhat calmly. Emmett took them out and I followed him into Jasper's room. He took out one of Jasper's favorite books and smashed it in there. I gasped. "Oooooh! Jasper's gunna kill you!!!" He chuckled and put the book down.

"Your right…" He snatched out his phone and sat on the floor in front of Jasper's bed and put the phone on speaker. I sat down. My mother answered.

"Hello?" Renée answered.

"Hi, Renée! So I was just calling to tell you the baby is doing just fine! And guess what! Bella and Edward asked ME to be godfather!!! Isn't it the bestest news in the whole wide world? Oh! I gots to go! The baby is crying! Byeeee!" Then he hung up. I was speechless. If I had a bat right now I would hit him SO hard over the head. "Oh Bella! You've got to admit that was funny."

I rolled my eyes and glared at him. "You're such a bitch. I hope you know that." He grinned and nodded.

"You know what!?" Emmett yelled in my ear after a second of silence. I looked at him and shrugged. "I wonder if you can turn apples into vampires!!!!!" He grinned and rushed down stairs. I followed slowly. I found him in the kitchen, biting every single apple and putting them down on the table and looking at them. "It's not working!" He thought for a moment. "When Jasper gets home, I'll see if they will attack!" He laughed evilly. After about five minutes of sitting in front of the television, he got bored. A smile spread across his face.

He ran into the bathroom and for twenty minutes didn't come out. I walked over to the bathroom. "Emmett…what are you doing?" I asked suspiciously. He came out with black hair, a fake scar on his eye, round glasses, and carrying around a stick.

"I'M THE REAL HARRY POTTER!!" I busted out laughing.

"You're a cheap look alike!" It was about ten in the morning and I decided we should go back to school. We got into the classroom right before the bell rang. Right before the teacher began talking, Emmett stood up.

"I would like you all to know that I had sexual relations with Edward Cullen. Thank you." He sat back down and looked like nothing ever happened. Everyone was staring at him like he was a weird dude. I just laughed. I dropped my pencil and it rolled by Emmett's foot.

I sighed. "Will you pass me my pencil?"

Emmett yelled. "I THOUGHT WE WERE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!" I stared at him. He sat back down because he was standing when he yelled that. He said a silent "just kidding" to me. I rolled my eyes.

"…..that's why we have teeth…." Emmett raised his hand. "Yes Emmett?"

"I think the Tooth Fairy is S-E-X-Y!!! SEXY!!!" He grinned. As soon as class was over, we stopped to talk to Alice. Emmett sighed. "Alice, that isn't your color." She looked down.

"PINK ISN'T MY COLOR!?" she cried. I patted her back.

"It's okay, Alice. You look great in it."

Alice smiled at me. "Thanks, Bella."

Emmett growled at me. "Shut up you cute, yummy, meal on legs!" Just then, a freshman walked by and stopped at him.

"Your in twelve right?" He nodded. "How do you keep up with all the work?" He looked stressed.

"Well, just keep in mind that all those who fail are killed and flushed down the potty." He smiled and I walked away with Emmett, giggling a little bit.


	18. Nick Jonas

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Hi! I own Twilight! Jealous?**

**Edward: *groans* For the last freaking time, you do NOT own Twilight.**

**Me: I hate you Edward…..Will you marry me?**

**Edward: No**

Bella's Point of View

We, Emmett, Jasper, and I, were watching Wal-Mart burn. From fire. I turned slowly to Emmett.

"You set Wal-Mart on fire?" I asked calmly. "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT!?"

Emmett frowned. "But fire is so pretty…. And I thought it would be awesome! DON'T YELL AT ME!!!!" He fake cried and I rolled my eyes. Fire trucks started to arrive. "Let's go!" Emmett yelled and we ran back to the house.

I was on the couch, playing Guitar Hero. May I say, I suck cow nipples at that game! Yes, cow nipples. We had ten minutes to go to school. Emmett came trotting down the stairs. He jumped in front of the screen. I glared at him and put down the fake guitar.

"Guess what, Bella?" Emmett screamed.

"What!?" I screamed right back.

"I'M SO FERGILICIOUS!!!" He started dancing and singing Fergilicious very loudly.

"You hardly are," Jasper said to him as he came in the room with some cereal I asked him for. I looked at the cereal. Then at him.

"Really, Jasper? Soda for milk?" The cereal looked beyond disguisting.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! THE CEREAL SAID IT'S GOING TO EAT MEEE!!!! AHH!" Emmett screamed and ran around in circles and smack right into a wall. Jasper and I looked at him calmly.

"Anyway," I said to Jasper. "It's suppose to be milk."

"I dislike you, Bella," Emmett said. "So if I had a heart-attack you would go on talking about your cereal?"

"Yes, I would," I stated simply.

"That reminds me, why is there a ton of bitten apples in the kitchen?" Jasper looked over at Emmett. Emmett perked up and grabbed me and Jasper and ran into the kitchen.

"ATTACK! ATTACK VAMPIRE APPLES!!!" he yelled at the apples. They did nothing. "DAMN IT!" He picked the apples and started throwing them at Jasper.

"HEY! STOP IT!!!" Jasper yelled while he was getting fumbled with apples.

I looked at the clock on the wall. "Come now, peoples, we have to go to school now."

At School

I was talking to Alice about something when Emmett came down the hallway. WITH ONE OF MY BRA'S ON!?!?! I stared in disbelief. He had one of my sexy laced one's on over his shirt. Alice looked where I was staring and then she busted out laughing. Emmett came my way and stopped in front of me.

"What are you doing with my bra on?" I whispered.

"I'm making a statement!"

"About?"

"ABOUT GENDER STERIOTYPES!!!! GUYS LIKE TO WEAR BRA'S TOO!!" he cried.

"Take it off," I said with venom. He reluctantly did so. Edward came up behind me and grabbed around my waist and whispered a silent hello in my ear which sent chills down my spine.

"Hey, Double D, come here," Emmett said to him.

"How many times must I say that I do not have two D's in my name so that does not work out."

"Just come here," he whined.

Edward went to him, slowly. "Yes?" Emmett went down and pants-ed him. All the girls around looked at Edward's duck boxers. I busted out laughing, so did Emmett and Alice. If Edward could have, he would have turned bright red. He pulled up his pants. All the girls around him were staring with "bedroom eyes."

"I didn't know you wore duck undies!" Emmett said between laughs. Edward grabbed him by the collar and dragged him into the boys' bathroom. There were a couple cries coming from Emmett and then Edward walked out.

"Goodbye, my love," he whispered in my ear and went off to class.

Emmett's Point Of View

I was looking in the mirror of the guys' bathroom. Edward really hadn't hurt me. I mean, I'm practically indestructible!! I had my backpack with me. I changed from my hardcore shirt and my baggy jeans and put on a blouse. A blouse and some tight jeans that were Rose's. I put on some eyeliner, mascara, and eye shadow. I ran out of the bathroom, fake crying. Bella's and Alice's eyes almost popped out of their heads. Rose looked beyond furious. I ran straight into the guidance counselor.

Bella's Point of View

I put my ear up against the door of the counselor. What was Emmett doing!?

"Oh, Miss. Hernandez! My family is pressuring me to be with Rosalie! And what makes it worse is that I don't even know about my sexuality!!" he cried. Alice, who was besides me, opened up the door so quickly it hit me in the face. I fell onto the ground with a bang. Alice didn't notice and grabbed Emmett.

"Are you stupid?" she screamed. He started humming the "Jaws" theme song. She hit him. Dragging him by the collar she walked out of the room. Alice looked back at the counselor. "He is lying. He loves Rosalie a ton. It's a stupid little prank." She closed the door and started beating Emmett. "Go change! NOW!" Emmett scampered off. Chuckling a little bit, I followed Emmett to the boys' bathroom and waited outside. Alice went to her class. "Watch him carefully," Alice muttered to me.

Emmett walked out, dressed normally. He frowned, "Alice is such a party pooper." He sighed. "Let's go to class." For half a second, Emmett looked down and put something in his eye. He looked at me. With red eyes. He winked. We walked into Edward's class. "EDWARD! I ATE BELLA'S DAD!!!" he said loudly. All the kids looked at him. With red eyes. Their faces went white. And fainted. Edward growled.

"Get out of here!" he yelled. We did so as he went to everybody to wake them up and tell them it was a dream.

Emmett sighed. "It's boring here. Lets go!" We walked out of school. He went behind a tree and came back in a green suit, a pair of wings, and wand. "Look, Bella. I'm Tinkerbell's brother-in-law." He went to a random door. They opened the door.

They stared at his costume. "Can I help you?" they asked unsure.

"Hello, I'm Tinkerbell's brother-in-law. I was hoping you seen Tinkerbell. She seemed to go off again! Last time she did, she ate someone! That stupid little pixie." He laughed. "So before she eats anymore humans, I need to find her. Do you know where she is?" They shook their heads and closed the door. I laughed out loud. He changed back and walked over to me. "Let's go see, Carlisle!"

I frowned. "Why? Then he will know we skipped…"

"So?" He grabbed me and we ran to the hospital where Carlisle works.

"What are you two doing here?" Carlisle asked surprised.

"Hey, Carl," Emmett greeted him. Carlisle winced.

"Please do not call me that, Emmett," Carlisle said professionally. "Now what I can do for you two?" He looked me up and down. "Did you fall again, Bella?"

"No," I answered, somewhat annoyed. Every time I just want to visit the people of the hospital people automatically assumed I broke something!

"I just wanted to know," Emmett started out, "did you ever meet Dracula!?"

Carlisle was looking at some papers then snapped his head to Emmett. "What? No."

"You did!? HOW IS HE!?!"

"I said I didn't."

"TELL ME HOW HE IS, CARL!!!"

"I never met him. Now will you two please go back to school?"

"Was Dracula awesome!?" Emmett kept going on.

"I don't know! Go!"

"He was or wasn't? JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"I'll ground you for twenty years! NOW GO!"

"Fine," Emmett muttered and we left. Outside of the hospital, Emmett eyes grew wide when we passed by Carlisle's car. "Shoot! I forgot I had Nick Jonas in the truck of his car!" Emmett popped the trunk open and there was Nick Jonas. Tied up and all. Emmett threw him over his shoulder and carried me bridal style back to our house.

I put my hands on my hips. "Why did you kidnap Nick Jonas?"

He rolled his eyes and huffed like it was obvious. "Belly-boo! Come on! He's just soooooooooooo cute! How can I NOT kidnap him? Plus! I'm going to sell him on eBay!" He ran to get his camera and took several pictures of Nick. After a while, he got twenty bids. It was already up to ten thousand dollars.

"Damn," I said. After a couple minutes, we stamped Nick Jonas and sent him out to someone in Florida. We were twenty thousand dollars richer.


End file.
